And then comes the Petechia

This picture is of my arm. It is not of anywhere gross. Just not the best picture. The spot in the upper right side is a freckle. All of the other dots are petechia (peek-ee-i). Here is the story for today.

Woke up this morning and felt so good. I mean compared to the past few days, I felt really great. Got up, and got ready for work. As I got ready, I noticed I had some red marks on my right hip. At first I didn't think much of it. When I got to school I noticed some of those red dots showed up on my inner arm. That is when I knew it was petechia. It is a symptom that most ITP (the blood disorder that I have) people get. But I never got any. But I had been well versed in what to look for, and what to do.

I called my blood doc right away. They called me back right away, and wanted to see me right after school. I went in. I got my vitals taken, and I had a temperature. Shoot...I thought I was done with that. My platelets were low. 94,000 (my goal is 120,000), but that is not too low. I have been so much lower, and never had my body react like this. So we have some options (again)

* My fever/viral infection caused my platelets to lower, and they are on their way up. The fever caused the petechia

* My platelets are on a down slide and I am out of remission

* My petechia has nothing to do with my blood counts and it is something else going on.

So I am going to go back in on Thursday and they will check my counts. Our hope is that my platelets will be up. At least I think that is what I hope. I am ready for answers. And at this point if the answer is not the one I was hoping for at least there is an answer.

It was nice going in and seeing everyone again. If you have never been in a cancer doctor area, it is an experience. I am known as the "little-spring-chicken" I am still the youngest person I have ever seen in there. Everyone is so nice, calm, and just there for you. I think that goes with the job. They deal with people with cancer every day. But I tell you it really makes a difference. For the first time the nurse took her time and looked at where I said I saw marks, and really cared. She took my blood pressure, and it was a little high. She told me she was sure it was from stress, but she said I had no reason not to be stressed with the symptoms that I was feeling. I felt so relieved. I know I am not making it up how my body is feeling, and finally I felt like someone else believed me. For the first time in almost 2 weeks, I felt like someone else believed me.

As I got ready to write this post the petechia has spread across my belly, in my belly button, down the inside of my arms, under my arms, across the chest, and covers both of my hips. Much worse than this morning. Maybe it will all be gone tomorrow...maybe it will be worse...will it be the same. We will see tomorrow.

Overall it was a hard day, but a good day. I will take on these next two days, one day at a time, and then go in at 8:30 at Thursday morning.

I am just ready for answers. Any answer. Just an answer.

Fever for a day

Friday night I came home from school, and I knew something was wrong. My throat was pretty swollen, and I was exhausted. So I went to sleep pretty early. I woke up Saturday morning so achy I couldn't even get myself out of bed.

I had a mild fever. I was so achy, and exhausted. I spent all day yesterday pretty much asleep, and trying to keep down some Gatorade. I think total I was awake for 3 hours.

It was a hard night. Kept waking up from tossing and turning, and sweating. At some point in the night I broke the fever.

I woke up this morning feeling so much better. Now that is in comparison to how I was feeling yesterday. But hey I got up and took a shower. I think that is huge.

I am hoping this was just a cold/sinus/allergies, or something. Hopefully just a day ordeal and I can get back to normal life.

Everyone laughs, including me....

Nothing. Nothing new. An entire blog on nothing. This is starting to sound like a bad Seinfeld episode (thanks Harry). So the doc who has been helping me the most, I will call her Ms. S. as my blood doc is already Dr. S, anywho Ms. S wanted to see me again on Tuesday. I went in, and my poor belly is bloated like those poor Ethiopian children ( I hope that is not a bad reference, if it is, I apologize in advance). Ms. S says something is wrong and we have to get a CT Scan done then. She wanted to make 100% sure it wasn't my appendix, even though I told her I was 99% sure it was NOT my appendix.

Well then didn't really mean at 3:30 in the afternoon, which was the time she said it. It meant I would have to drink the most disgusting banana (couldn't have been real banana) milky, chalky, grossness, go the basement of the hospital, and then wait for 3 hours. In the 3 hours my loving husband came to sit and be bored with me.

I couldn't eat or drink in that time, and the nausea started hitting about 7 o'clock. Then it was like everyone was annoying me. There were crazy people in the waiting room, and especially this lady who swore to everyone in the room she had given birth a week ago, but her belly looked rounder than some people who are 9 months pregnant (I will put that info in my here-is- another-reason-why-I-am-27-married-and-do-not-have-children-yet list). Her voice just grated on me, and I did not think I was going to be able to take it any longer, and then finally they called my name.

The CT Scan was what I expected. All went fine, they said I was a great patient (I am pretty sure they tell everyone that). Then it was back to waiting. The clock was ticking so loud I thought I was going to have to take it off the wall and smash it, and then I realized it was digital, so it was not making the ticking noise. Then the nurse man came out and said that he was going to take out my port, as everything came back okay. I didn't have appendicitis, but I was REALLY backed up. REALLY?! I didn't know.....I mean I thought my belly was always this big, and round.

So home we went. I felt bad that Jacob was just there, but it was nice to have someone to talk to when I felt like talking. I ate some dinner, that made my stomach hurt, and then went to bed.

Yesterday I called to follow up with Ms. S and she said she was referring me to a stomach specialist. Cool I get to pay the higher co-pay to see another special doc. I really thought having ITP would pretty much cover the whole sickness quota until at least 50's but apparently my body is more messed up than we had thought.

I am sorry for my sarcastic comments. I am getting back to myself a little bit. I did go for my first run since a week ago (that is a LONG time for me), and it felt great. Jacob asked me not to do anything physical until we got this figured out, my doc told me to rest when I wasn't working, and I am sorry to both. However, I need the fresh air. I needed to run off this frustration of not knowing what is wrong. And really, when my stomach hurt I either slowed down or walked....so see I can take care of myself.

Well I am in the process of trying to figure out what this referral entails, and what I need to do. Again I can't thank y'all enough. I really do appreciate how many people are thinking of me, and praying. I just sometimes can't express it in my sarcastic moods. And really sarcasim is how I have learned to cope with things. Make a joke, and everyone laughs, including me....

Another Day, Another Dollar

I have been trying the meds for two days now. The "heart burn" feeling is gone, but the constant dull pain is lower in my torso, what I think would be the intestines, is still hanging around. I was joking with my kids today about them giving me an ulcer. Then I thought, well I really could have one....

I called the doc to make a CT scan appointment. My regular doc doesn't work on Monday so I had to leave a message. My hope is to get it done tomorrow, but we all know how quickly the docs seems to get back to me...

In other news, I know shocking right...I do other things, my life is relatively normal. Jacob has really picked up his life, and has really been taking on almost for the house load. I mean laundry, cleaning up, groceries, dishes, pretty much everything. It has been such a relief as I have to stay at school so late. Part of me hopes I can stay in 3rd grade next year, as I will have an idea what to teach, and I will have a layout of the standards. The first year in a grade is the hardest.

I am thinking that I will do my first Olympic triathlon this summer. I am holding off signing up right now just because of the health uncertainty. I really can't wait to get answers so I can get back to training! Again I just sidetracked right back to the health...

I have been doing a pretty good job about keeping the TV off at night. I am much more productive, and I am through two of those million books I have on my book shelf.

Alright since I am rambling about nothing I will end here. I will update with anything worth updating.

Spring breeze on my toes

I have had a few days to try and digest the doctors news, along with a few other things I will have to blog about later. What I decided was doctors really do not much more than I do, so I would get myself out of this down spot like I have before.

But then my stomach pain got worse and worse. The first time I remember saying something about the pains was Sunday. It is so hard to describe. It is like heartburn but in my stomach, right under my ribcage. About 20 minutes after I eat my pains go from a dull constant pain, to a stabbing harsh pain further down on my torso. This had been going on all week, but I hadn't thought much about it. I rarely take meds, and I just assume it will pass.

Well Thursday Jacob and I went out for a short run, and the pain in my stomach caused me to walk more than half of it. It was then I thought something might be wrong, as the pain was stopping me from doing something I wanted to.

Jacob insisted I call the doc on Friday, I didn't. What can I say? I am super stubborn, and the docs really never help me. We got up on Saturday for our group run, and the whole way there I was in the fetal position, as the pain was so bad. We met up with the group, and my coach, Beth, looked at me, and said NO WAY are you going running with us. All she had done was look at me. I new something was pretty bad. We drove straight to the docs.

Of course they are not sure what is happening. I have pain all the way through my torso at some point. I would have gotten a CT scan had I been in during the week but that isn't an option on the weekends. So I was told to do this:

1. Take the meds. If the pain gets worse go the ER
2. Take the meds. If no relief but pain doesn't get worse, then make an appointment for a scan on Monday
3. Take the meds. If the pain goes away, then take all the meds, and keep an eye on it.

I have been taking the meds for almost 24 hours at this point. The pain has not gone away but has become almost tolerable. The doc said it could be appendicitis, gastritis, an ulcer, or possibly a kink somewhere. To me that sounds like they don't know much more than me.

On two side notes:

Friday Jacob and I went to this awesome play of Peter Pan. If you live in Atlanta or metro Atlanta it is totally worth the drive and the ticket money. We sat in the $35 seats and really enjoyed it. It was different than anything else we had seen before. It was a lot fun.

The weather around here has been part of a dream for me. I hate the winter, more than the average person. The cold actually hurts me, and makes me so sick. Hence, the big move to the South. But this past week has been in the 60's and this weekend it has been so close to 70's. Even though I have been stuck inside the past day, and most likely again today, I have had the house windows and doors open. The breeze flows through the house and I LOVE it. It is going to be so hard if we get cold down here again. I am just LOVING this weather!

For those who want answers

The doc finally called this afternoon. Took enough time. The blood work overall shows nothing. But they think something is wrong. So I am to keep track of everything I eat. Ditto on exercise. Keep a record of symptoms. Call if anything SERIOUS happens. Otherwise another blood draw in a month.

Oh they did say my platelets are low?! WHAT?! REALLY?! Okay if you are new to the blog, check my first post. It will explain a lot of my sarcasm. And then you can check out what we did about it, and then the result.

I am trying to digest all the info. Do I ask for another opinion? Do I really want to know my platelet numbers, as that could lead to no more remission. Do I do what they suggested?

All I do know is I am taking back my life, as I have so many times before from my body shutting down. I am not sure what that looks like, but I did have a fabulous run last night, and a marvelous swim tonight. It might look something close to that.

Thanks to all those who thought, cared, prayed, and reached out. I appreciate it more than I could ever put into words on this silly blog.

The sparkle has left my eyes

The sparkle has left my eyes.
I'm still inside I scream.
I'm still inside.




Nothing from the docs. Another day awaits me.

Just some answers please

Not in a good mood. Depressed. That is a good word. Feeling sorry for myself. Sure am. Here is a quick version of why the down in the dumps.

This past school year has been the hardest I have ever encountered, and that includes my first year teaching ever. Really since January I have had a major attitude issue. I have tried to change it. In every way I knew how. Really. I am a self fixer. I pride myself on being able to pick myself up, move on, and stay positive. I just can't do it this time.

Then came the "stress" rash on my elbows again. Flared up. Then a rash appeared behind both of my ears, about 3 weeks ago. My left ear way worse than my right. But at this point they are both bad. Then this past week I got this SUPER dry skin on my face. It first showed up across the bridge of my nose, then it went under my eyes. Then across my forehead. I am not talking like put some lotion on it and deal. I am talking so dry, and flaky as I am talking I can see flakes coming from my forehead. The right side of my face is much worse than my left. Crazy right?

Then the weight gain. I know right after the marathon I was not doing the best at keeping track, or following my guidelines. But I started right back in, with the tracking, and writing down everything, and making sure I was getting my 5 servings of fruits and veggies. And then I worked out at least 3 days a week, most weeks running an average of over 10 miles total. And to no avail. 4 weeks of those habits and I continued to gain weight. Please explain that to me.

So all week I'm talking with my mom, no one knows what is going on. I am totally frustrated to a point of no return. Terrible thoughts cross my mind. Terrible thoughts I never thought I would think. Terrible feelings about my body, and self image emerged. I got home last night, exhausted past a point I had felt in a long time, and Jacob was watching Dr. Oz. I didn't even know he knew this guy existed, but still it was on in the background. He was wrapping up his show, and was doing a quick run down. He says "Women don't forget to check your elbows, face, and breasts for dry skin, as it could mean there is a thyroid problem." SAY WHAT? My mom, in an earlier conversation, had mentioned something about a thyroid and I dismissed it. But I don't really believe in coincidences as I think it is a cool way God talks to us. So Jacob says "You must get to the doc. When can you go?"

This morning I walked in the docs office at 9:00. Explained my symptoms, trying not to allude to the thyroid issue. I let it slip a little bit to the nurse, but said nothing to the doc, and she says "We will do a blood draw, and check for a thyroid problem." We chatted a bit about what this could mean. It could explain my inability to get my mood out of the dump. It could explain my dry skin, my weight gain, just everything. We looked at my last weigh in and it was in July. Since July I had gained 11 lbs. Since July I have trained and participated in 2 triathlons, a half marathon, and a marathon. And it is not muscle. This weight is all around my stomach. When did I have time to gain the 11 lbs? I left this afternoon with a new steroid for my arms and back of my ears, and a new lotion for my face.

I have been in this position before. I have gone to the docs and they have said "You are normal." then they say "Well let's test for this, and this", but everything comes back normal. And then they are like well that is just your body. But this time I want answers. I don't think it is normal, even for everything I have had to get through this past 6 months, to have the thoughts that I have. I can't imagine this weight gain, which has really taken up since Nov, as I weigh into Weight Watchers, and I can tell you exactly when I started really struggling, is all that normal either.

So what happens when they call on Monday and say "It came back normal". Do I demand for more answers, or just chalk it up to the stress of the past few months, and try harder on the diet and exercise? Or should I demand for another appointment, and ask them to find out what is going on? Am I normal right now? Is this just how my body will be for the rest of my life? Is there a med or a food I could take to start feeling better? What if it is my thyroid? Oh, well that opens a whole new list of questions.

I am looking for some real answers this time. I just want to be told I am not normal in the way I am feeling. Right now I can't see living the rest of my life in the state that I am. And that is a really hard thing to admit. I just want to feel happy again.