Holiday Greetings

Although we had hoped we would be a little further along in our financial journey we are not yet at 100% funding for our Christmas cards.  If someone could chat with the US Post Office about the cost of stamps.... ha :)

We were able to send out holiday cards to about 1/2 of our list, which is WAY better than the past two years!

Here's to the good that came out of 2016, and what 2017 has to bring.

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year

<3 the Larkins!

Companion

A while ago we were driving down the road when Cade yelled out "Look a food truck!"  I was shocked to say the least.  First, it was actually a food truck.  Second it had been at least a few months since we had been to our local food truck park for dinner, and I was shocked he had remembered.

Then he finished his exclamation with "Just like the show."  

Wait. what.  

My first element of excitement at how smart my boy was, at what an amazing memory had came tumbling down into a mommy's heart falling down deep into the pit of her stomach.  

Since the first few days of bringing a newborn home I had become keenly aware of how much I had the tv on.  I try to keep up with the research and it of course overwhelmingly tells parents to turn the tv off.  But those early sleep deprived days/nights I found myself by the glow of my phone or television just to keep what sanity I felt I had left.  

Then started the infant phase where when I was home there was no other adult to talk to so I found myself turning on the news in the morning and then just leaving the television on.  I had convinced myself it was background noise.  And during the infant phase he was exactly that, an infant who had no idea what was going on. It wasn't like I had flipped on some cartoons and let them play all day expecting my son to watch it and be fulfilled. I wasn't putting him down in front of the tv.  If I were being honest, and sometimes I am with myself, by this point my background noise had become a habit.  Truthfully the television was on. all. the. time. 

But at that moment when my son who was barely stringing sentences together could make a connection between a show, I felt was just background noise, to what was going on in real life, and be correct, oh man.  I knew something had to change.

So I just turned it off.  Or more accurately didn't turn it on.  I went cold turkey for a lack of better wording.  And you know what.  I actually like it.  We listen to music if I feel it is too quiet, but with two littles now I rarely have an abundance of quiet.  I find I am more engaged with them, play more with them, and we are outside a lot more.  I found I have more energy.

A few years ago I did a devotional called Happy.  And way back then, before I had kids, I read about how watching/listening to the news can add stress to your life, and suck energy.  I always thought it can't be that bad.  I like to be informed.  But with all of the other channels, Facebook, Twitter, radio, I do not feel any less informed, and when I want to find something out I can look it up and take in all of the information on my own terms, instead of a producer somewhere deciding when and how I want to get my information.  And I have found some kind of new energy from taking back how I want to get the information.

Now, don't think I never watch any kind of television.  Nap time is a special 2 hours that if I am not napping myself I have queued up NetFlix.  I am just more aware of my purpose to have the tv on, and it is not to keep me company.  I have two littles who were given to me to keep me company.

Time Marches On

It took a second for it to register what I was watching. I had been with Lil' Boo doing this same thing many times before.  But for some reason this time my brain took the time to process what I was really seeing.

Boo was in front of me on the stairs, and he was taking them one at a time.  One foot on each stair.  I am sure I had a look of confusion and slight awe as I watched my now 4 year old son walking up the stairs like an adult.  No more two feet on each stair.  One foot.  One stair.

I started to wonder how long had this been happening? Was this the first time?  The way he did it seemed like he had always been doing it.  Then I had to ask myself why hadn't I noticed before.

It was one of those moments where you just realize time marches on.  Although there were days when he would be a few months old, screaming his lungs out with this clueless mommy at the helm that I would wish for him to be just a little older, be able to communicate with me, but did I want this?  All of a sudden in what seemed like a few months time he is climbing stairs with one foot on each stair.

Being blessed with the birth of this sensitive, creative, book-loving boy had me in a place of fear and feeling unfit.  But what I found was motherhood is a whole lot of guessing, going with your gut, and mistakes.

Seeing him walk up those stairs in such a mini-adult way not only made my heart happy but re-instilled that I have a little body that I am in charge of, and I am doing an okay job.

I think it is every parents goal to remember that the moment we are in will only be for that moment.  I am glad my brain registered what I was seeing, if only for a few seconds.

Where to Begin

Where to begin.

This has been the question on my mind for a couple of months.  I fell off the writing wagon.  Not only did I fall off, I couldn't even gather my thoughts in enough of a paragraph like form to get them out on this screen, which I guess means I wasn't even chasing the wagon to try and jump back on.  Try as I might to craft a new post in all of my spare time  any second of the day I didn't decide sleeping was more important, I couldn't get myself around to clicking on the blog icon and trying to get started again.  

Then this article came across my Facebook news feed yesterday.  I guess that shows where I have really been spending my extra non-sleeping time.  It is a great article because one it is written by my sister-in-law, and two it really spoke to me about a topic that I am all to aware of, but unwilling to spend any energy really thinking about.  

Balance.

Although this article was written for "real" writers, you know the kind that are actually good enough to make a little money, I felt like this far fetched idea of balance can really disappear for almost everyone.  Or maybe I just want to seem normal so I have decided it is a struggle for all.  As I scrolled through some of the comments it seems that most people felt that you could pick and choose your top (3-5) priorities, and anything else you have to let fall by the wayside. 

I have to say I completely agree. I also feel like I have done a pretty good job about picking the way I would rather spend my time and then throwing in a few of those "responsibilities" that get tacked on as an adult.  For example I would rather spend time reading with Boo than keeping my house as clean as I used to.  I have decided to not bring any work home during the week, because I get as little time with the babes as it is, and why should grading those classwork projects get in the way of that.  Okay, so some of my decisions have been easier than others.  I have decided making it home for family dinner is a must, even if it means I have to give up my run, because I had another after school meeting.

So reflecting on those decisions what does that say about me?  What have I decided to prioritize?  And then the big question that surrounds this abstract word balance, do I have it?  

I have what is balance for me. I have shifted my focus from my career to my family.  This seems like it would be an easy one, but honestly I am career driven, I guess one of my more masculine traits.  I have to make a conscious effort to make sure this is happening.  I do slide in my working out the best I can.  I find this such an important aspect for my life in multiple ways that pushing it out completely would leave me as a shell of a person.  I attend different "small groups" which allows me to work on my marriage, myself, and friendships, so to me I am getting a big bang for my buck with the few hours I give every week. 

But I think what sidles right up with the word balance is the word comparison.  In the mommy-world this word is thrown out often as if to try and confuse moms into thinking they are not comparing, if they say they are not enough times in one conversation.  But that is what I really gained from reading a handful of the comments from article.  What works for one person doesn't work for another.  Balance is not a balancing act that you have to put on for all to see.  Balance is what it feels like on the inside.  How you feel when you go to bed.  How balanced you feel as you make your way through a week.  

So how does the scale of your life feel at the end of the day? At the end of the week?  Are you giving more energy to one area of your life than another?  Are you happy with how that feels?  Should you take my sister-in-laws path and ground yourself from something?  I am hoping as I move through the next few months my balance includes less work on the weekends, and more time getting my thoughts out on here.  

So raise your glass.  Here's to finding that middle place.  Not too much focus in one area, but enough in the areas that we need to feel complete.  Here's to finding balance.