I feel like my brain is on 230% all of the time. I think I have found my breaking point. Now....right before I literally take a jump off the side of the ship, I need to start taking action to stop my life from being like this.
For the past week I just feel like I have been in a fog. I can't seem to focus on one thing long enough to complete it, or do it justice really. Everything is done with half my effort, if it gets complete at all. And the worst part is I am busy constantly. It is not like I don't have the energy to complete these tasks, but I have too much on my plate.
So today I submitted my final thesis platform paper. I technically had until Thursday, but this morning I woke up feeling more tired than I ever have. I felt like I had not slept in weeks. I discussed this with Jacob and he tells me that I was talking in my sleep, waking up, constantly moving, essentially all night long. So my brain never shut off (okay I know your brain is very active when you sleep, so technically I never got to the third step in REM sleep, but just bare with me). So it felt like I didn't sleep at all.
On my drive to church I (don't judge this next statement) was at a point on the highway I didn't remember how long I had been driving. It was at that point I decided I had to turn in my thesis. It seems to be the one thing that is just looming over me, distracting my every thought. After church I drove home ( I am hoping with more thought to the actual driving) I looked over my paper one more time. Then one more time, and then one more time. I found myself getting more and more stressed, so I just went to my email and submitted it.
Then I went and took a 3 hour nap.
When I woke up I felt so much better.
I think this was a great decision. I can now focus on my research paper, and presentation. Of course I have a huge meeting with my Principal tomorrow that will free parts of my brain too. Then I have teaching, and a lot of after school, school commitments this week. But at least I feel like I can take on this week.
I hope that I can start writing more positive notes soon. I just haven't had a lot of positivity left in my life for the past two weeks or so.
I did have two PR 3 mile runs this week. My best one was 31:15 and that was on a super hilly course. I am super happy about that. That helps me not think about my worst run ever that just happen to also take place this week. End on a positive....
I know I can make it through the next week.
Sunday, September 26, 2010
Sunday, September 19, 2010
Wednesday, September 8, 2010
18 weeks
This week starts my 18 week marathon training. In other words I only have 18 weeks until my Disney Marathon. I am super excited, nervous, ready, and not ready.
I am going to try and stay close to my marathon training guide. This week I have to do 3 miles, 3 days a week, 6 miles for my long run, and one day of cross training. In consideration of what I was doing this is a really nice change of pace. I think I have come to terms that I am hanging up my triathlon training, to concentrate on running. I could do one more tri in Oct, but I would almost rather put myself into full time marathon training. It might be a little more doable.
Well the 18 week countdown is intimidating, and yet so liberating. I guess it is all a little to hard to explain.
I am going to try and stay close to my marathon training guide. This week I have to do 3 miles, 3 days a week, 6 miles for my long run, and one day of cross training. In consideration of what I was doing this is a really nice change of pace. I think I have come to terms that I am hanging up my triathlon training, to concentrate on running. I could do one more tri in Oct, but I would almost rather put myself into full time marathon training. It might be a little more doable.
Well the 18 week countdown is intimidating, and yet so liberating. I guess it is all a little to hard to explain.
Monday, September 6, 2010
3day weekends
Oh how I wish every weekend could be a 3 day weekend. This weekend I have accomplished the following:
* the rough draft of my THESIS! All 32 pages are complete. All 11 papers are typed out in rough draft form! I have to re-read each paper, and put it in APA style, but the hardest part is done! I finished it yesterday afternoon, and no one was home to celebrate with. I was like running around the house shouting I was SO SO happy!
* Laundry, grocery, cleaning supplies/toiletries shopping. I try very hard to get these things done every weekend, but it rarely actually happens. I have talked about my coupon clipping and I have different stores in which I buy each item. I go to Kroger for grocery shopping, and Walmart for my toiletries, and cleaning supplies.
* Our bedroom was deep cleaned. Vacuumed, dusted, windexed, and the closet organized. Jacob and I have three large bags that I will drop off to Goodwill this week.
* I got our budget updated. I am super crazy about the budget. I have an itemized excel worksheet. I had gotten a little bit behind.
* I organized our workout stuff. We had accumulated a large (semi-huge) pile in the corner on of our room. It is now all put away in an organized manner in a wicker chest. I can see the entire corner of our room now, and you wouldn't even know it was workout stuff if you didn't know.
* I organized/cleaned our cleaning closet. Because I must keep everything so clean, I have a lot of cleaning supplies. I also have different baskets for all of the different products. But I couldn't find what I needed, thought I was out of toilet cleaner, but I had 3 cans. So I just emptied the whole closet, and it is so pretty now. I know exactly what I have, or needed (hence why I made a trip to Walmart).
So as you can see I had a fantastically productive weekend. I also had time to help set up the Get Fit Atlanta Tent at an Expo, take a 10 mile run, volunteer for three hours at the Expo for Get Fit, volunteer at Buckhead little kids church, get my lesson plans completed, and have a celebratory dinner with the Burden's! So I got in a lot of time for myself too.
I am overall just so pumped about my paper being done. I am hoping to have a great 4 day week. My class starts again next weekend. Jacob has a tri next weekend. I am sad I won't be there, but there are a ton of Get-Fit people going to be there, so he will be in good hands. I will try to write a little later this week.
But man, how I wish every weekend could be a 3 day weekend.
* the rough draft of my THESIS! All 32 pages are complete. All 11 papers are typed out in rough draft form! I have to re-read each paper, and put it in APA style, but the hardest part is done! I finished it yesterday afternoon, and no one was home to celebrate with. I was like running around the house shouting I was SO SO happy!
* Laundry, grocery, cleaning supplies/toiletries shopping. I try very hard to get these things done every weekend, but it rarely actually happens. I have talked about my coupon clipping and I have different stores in which I buy each item. I go to Kroger for grocery shopping, and Walmart for my toiletries, and cleaning supplies.
* Our bedroom was deep cleaned. Vacuumed, dusted, windexed, and the closet organized. Jacob and I have three large bags that I will drop off to Goodwill this week.
* I got our budget updated. I am super crazy about the budget. I have an itemized excel worksheet. I had gotten a little bit behind.
* I organized our workout stuff. We had accumulated a large (semi-huge) pile in the corner on of our room. It is now all put away in an organized manner in a wicker chest. I can see the entire corner of our room now, and you wouldn't even know it was workout stuff if you didn't know.
* I organized/cleaned our cleaning closet. Because I must keep everything so clean, I have a lot of cleaning supplies. I also have different baskets for all of the different products. But I couldn't find what I needed, thought I was out of toilet cleaner, but I had 3 cans. So I just emptied the whole closet, and it is so pretty now. I know exactly what I have, or needed (hence why I made a trip to Walmart).
So as you can see I had a fantastically productive weekend. I also had time to help set up the Get Fit Atlanta Tent at an Expo, take a 10 mile run, volunteer for three hours at the Expo for Get Fit, volunteer at Buckhead little kids church, get my lesson plans completed, and have a celebratory dinner with the Burden's! So I got in a lot of time for myself too.
I am overall just so pumped about my paper being done. I am hoping to have a great 4 day week. My class starts again next weekend. Jacob has a tri next weekend. I am sad I won't be there, but there are a ton of Get-Fit people going to be there, so he will be in good hands. I will try to write a little later this week.
But man, how I wish every weekend could be a 3 day weekend.
Saturday, September 4, 2010
Tell Your Children to Plan for Surprises
Totally random but I had the tv on while cleaning the bedroom and the movie "Dan in Real Life" was on. I have seen this movie, and didn't remember enjoying it too much. Because of my ADD I tend not to "like" movies very much. They can't hold my attention, especially not ones that don't have that much action. Anywho....I got sucked into this movie. I found the character "Dan" very real life, and relatable. At the end of the movie "Dan" says "we are always telling our children to plan for the future, but maybe what we should be telling them is to plan for surprises".
WOW.
I was one of those kids always thinking/planning for the future. Heck, I still do that. I am a planner. After devotions in the morning I think through my day and write out a to-do list in the order that I think things should be done. I like to be able to check my boxes off in order (I am pretty sure we have discussed my OCD tendencies, so that is a mute point for this post). I love planning. I like to plan day to day, months at a time, and of course I love thinking about what life will look like in 5 years.
But it was recently the 5 year plan that began a complete and utter breakdown earlier this week. I have been super stressed about completing my thesis for my Masters degree. The due date changed from Nov. 1 to Sept. 22 (SURPRISE) and this has caused a huge uproar in my life. I had planned out exactly how many papers (11 in total) I had to have done each month. But then my months had to be switched to weeks, and I was not prepared.
I will have my Masters in Educational Leadership in December. A huge accomplishment, I get it. But my goal had always been to have my doctorate by the time I was 30. Well I have done the math. That is just not going to happen. Even if I started on my doctorate in Jan.
So my original plan of having my doctorate, being a principal (most possibly in FL), with a couple of kids, just isn't looking like it will be possible in 5 years. When all of this started coming down, with addition to the stress I have been under, I had an utter breakdown. All of my plans are coming apart. Or at least in 5 years it looks like I won't be where I have planned to be.
So "Dan's" words really hit me hard. Hello. I should be planning for surprises. The first part of 2010 should have shown me that. I am now trying to finish my thesis, I have switched grade levels, I am the team leader, and I am now training for a marathon. A year ago I did not have any of that on my radar.
I wonder if I just believe life is full of surprises, and then plan for them to happen; it will almost seem like I am right on track. Or maybe I just need to let go/reduce a few of my expectations. But overall, I think "Dan" is right. We should teach our children to plan for surprises.
WOW.
I was one of those kids always thinking/planning for the future. Heck, I still do that. I am a planner. After devotions in the morning I think through my day and write out a to-do list in the order that I think things should be done. I like to be able to check my boxes off in order (I am pretty sure we have discussed my OCD tendencies, so that is a mute point for this post). I love planning. I like to plan day to day, months at a time, and of course I love thinking about what life will look like in 5 years.
But it was recently the 5 year plan that began a complete and utter breakdown earlier this week. I have been super stressed about completing my thesis for my Masters degree. The due date changed from Nov. 1 to Sept. 22 (SURPRISE) and this has caused a huge uproar in my life. I had planned out exactly how many papers (11 in total) I had to have done each month. But then my months had to be switched to weeks, and I was not prepared.
I will have my Masters in Educational Leadership in December. A huge accomplishment, I get it. But my goal had always been to have my doctorate by the time I was 30. Well I have done the math. That is just not going to happen. Even if I started on my doctorate in Jan.
So my original plan of having my doctorate, being a principal (most possibly in FL), with a couple of kids, just isn't looking like it will be possible in 5 years. When all of this started coming down, with addition to the stress I have been under, I had an utter breakdown. All of my plans are coming apart. Or at least in 5 years it looks like I won't be where I have planned to be.
So "Dan's" words really hit me hard. Hello. I should be planning for surprises. The first part of 2010 should have shown me that. I am now trying to finish my thesis, I have switched grade levels, I am the team leader, and I am now training for a marathon. A year ago I did not have any of that on my radar.
I wonder if I just believe life is full of surprises, and then plan for them to happen; it will almost seem like I am right on track. Or maybe I just need to let go/reduce a few of my expectations. But overall, I think "Dan" is right. We should teach our children to plan for surprises.
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