This post is probably well overdue. But in justification my day job is in education, and we had our first day of school for students August 1st and it has been non stop busyness since then.
And all in that same breath I may have been actively avoiding the click clack of the keyboard where I have to face the reality of the impending deployment date that looms ahead. Honestly... that is probably more accurate for the lack of posts.
I am one who likes routine and busyness. So honestly the start of the school year is a time of year my soul finds a bit of peace. Our kids fall back into routine, we are back to having family dinners. Bedtimes are a bit more manageable in the way I get to have a little quiet time before I finally fall asleep each night.
But this year, the start of the school year came with a big dark cloud looming above. And I did what I do best, ignore the hard feelings. Ignore the calendar deadlines. Ignore the hard emotions that creep up.
Then we attended a Yellow Ribbon Deployment Readiness Training. And while sitting in a "family" only session with a panel of supporters to answer questions I felt my wall start to chip away. The cracks were starting to show. There was a mom there, who tried to ask a question, and couldn't quite get it out, as she had to stop to choke back her tears. And just that fast tears flooded to my eyes, and I had to swallow a BIG lump from my throat.
I tried to swallow away that it is going to happen. He is going to leave. For a long time.
And the fact I still can't get out these sentences without tearing up right now, tells me I am just not ready to let everyone in yet. Not ready to work through the emotional wall that is holding firm, cracks and all.
So until then, hold tight. It will come. The thoughts will flow. Just not yet.
