So it seems nowadays every “pinterest popular” blog I read is a lady making a list of something. Be it a list of Pinterest disasters, a Top 10 of must have baby pictures, or what about the must have list to make grocery shopping easy, oh, and the one guy blog about what he did to ensure he got a divorce...twice. As I browse through these blogs it is easy for me to see that readers of these blogs must love lists as much as I do. Most of the blogs have a list format, and I started thinking to myself, I love lists as much as the next person. I have a blog. I can make lists. I mean lists help my life run easier.
So after consulting with Jacob, we decided to make list of how we are making it. How we are surviving the struggle with the juggle. Two full time working parents of a child under one years old, and we are surviving. But not by sheer luck. We not only have a plan for our chaos, we have a specific list of items that we do to make sure our lives are enjoyable.
Top Ten List of how to Enjoy Life With an Infant
1. Plan Ahead
This step requires definite time taken out of the each day to look at what the near future holds. We like to take Sundays and look over the next week that lies ahead of us. We make a weekly menu plan, make a grocery list for those items, and go grocery shopping a day before our menus run out (to ensure we have enough food always). We take into account the nights one of us won't be home to eat, so we have dinner on your own nights. Then we stick to our menu. The first person home looks at the menu and starts it.
Planning ahead also includes that we always have an extra bottle made, and ready to go. As the bottles dry, we put formula in them, and have them on hand. We always have at least one bottle in the ready for when we get home. You just never know what could happen while you are out. Around Atlanta, it is traffic. It never fails that it has been 2 1/2 hours since Cade's last feeding and we are stuck in traffic. When we get home, the bottle is there and ready to go.
We have bibs, and burp clothes where we use them the most. We always set out both at night, just in case Cade wakes in the middle of the night. We want it to be an easy transition for whomever gets up with him. We have really got into the mind set of planning ahead. We think "What could happen" and then plan as if it were going to. I think this step has helped us move steadily through any baby crisis. We are not trying to make bottles, or find bibs all while Cade screams.
There are a lot of documents that have to be filled out for Cade to go to daycare each day. He has his daily schedule sheet, and each bottle gets the date/content/name sticker. I take a day on the weekend to fill out the stickers and forms for each day. Then I place them in the day folder that we have made in our message center. So on Tuesday all I have to do is pull out the Tuesday folder and all of the papers/stickers we need for that day are in there, already mostly filled out. In our day folders we also put coupons we will need for stores we are going to, eating out coupons/gift cards, or anything else we will need just for that day. That takes the pressure off of us remembering "I need to bring a check to school to pay for a Tshirt on Wednesday", and then trying to remember all week. When we open the folder that morning, we have everything we need to take for that day. This has helped our mornings go much smoother, and I have found I free up so much brain space by spending a small amount of time planning for the week, rather than trying to remember certain things for certain days all week long.
We also have "extra bins" in our bathroom closets, and cleaning closet. Our extra bins have at least one extra of things we use; toothpaste, deodorant, toilet paper, shampoo, soap, Febreeze, Windex, ect... When we run out of something like toothpaste, all we have to do is go into the extra bin and get it. But the real kicker is that we have to check it off on our pre-printed grocery list. That way it isn't an emergency that we get that item, but we know we have to get it in the near future. This has really saved my brain from "mommy brain" moments, and running out of critical items. Again, this extra bin just keep both of our lives in order, and helps it run a little smoother.
2. Communication
This really goes all the way through this list. We communicate about our day during our dinners together. We make sure we have that time each day. Cade is so young right now, that he sits in his bouncer, or swing while we eat, but soon enough he will be sitting in his highchair at the table with us. We talk about what is to come in the next few days, sometimes even later that evening. We talk about plans, what needs to get done, and we make lists, well, a lot of lists. We plan everything, and make sure to hear each other. I am thankful now that while in marriage counseling we learned the proper way to communicate, and we actually use it. We make this a priority, and I know this helps us get through each week, with few flaws.
3. Calendar/Schedule
Being two busy people, a common schedule is a must for us. We use Google Calendar. Our schedules are synced to our phones. But the most important thing is that both parties must put in events that pertain to their lives. Getting Jacob to put in his schedule was a struggle at first, but now he is on board. Because we both know what/when/for how long the other person is busy, it helps us make informed decisions about our own plans.
The other part of this step is then following through on the schedule. If I say I am going to be home at a certain time I have to respect Jacob's time enough to make sure I stay true to that schedule. Jacob does the same thing. We respect each others time enough to make sure to follow through on what we said. If something does come up, we make sure to communicate it, and work it out. It has happened before that I already had a planned event, and Jacob's schedule changed. We worked together to make sure Cade had a sitter, and we both had to change our plans just a little.
Another sub-step to this step is making sure we stick to Cade's schedule. We both have downloaded Baby Connect on our phones, and we are both able to add, look, and track Cade's schedule. We stick to his feeding and sleeping schedule. If we are the parent with him, we stick to it, to make sure if/when Jacob and I have to switch parenting duties, then the other knows what has already happened throughout the day and how to carry on. Cade has been on a schedule since he was 4 weeks old. To keep him being his fabulous best, it is important to stick with the plan.
4. Share the Responsibility
Jacob and I were taken aback when we found out we were going to be parents. We talked about the roles as parents throughout the entire pregnancy. Jacob was starting a career, I am in a not-so-family-friendly profession, and we both love our personal time. We decided early on, that we would split the duties to the best of ability. We would both be active, engaged parents. For us both to survive, it was a must. We are 6 months into this adventure and I am happy to say we share everything. And I mean everything. If we are both home we take turns doing the diapers, we take turns cooking, we take turns playing with Cade on the floor. At night we take turns being in charge of the baby monitor. Whoever has the monitor it is their night to get up with Cade if he wakes. We take turns staying home with Cade so the other one can get out and have personal time. We both take on other responsibilities too; such as grocery shopping, baby supply shopping, home improvements, house work, and laundry. I am not one of those ladies married to a guy who doesn't pitch in. We both have to give it 100% for us to work.
5. Have Enough of the Essentials
The essentials around our house are diapers (and yes we are still rocking the cloth diapers) and bottles/formula. We never want to run out of diapers, and we never want to run out of formula. So when planning on how many diapers to buy, we took an average day, after we were on our schedule, and figured out how many diapers Cade used. We then discussed how many days a week it would be feasible to do laundry. We didn't think "oh in our dream world", or "well I want to be able". No. We thought in a realistic world, looking at our schedules, how many times can we do laundry? We figured we could do it once in the middle of the week, and on the weekends. That meant we should have at least 4 days worth of diapers. Then we got a couple more, just to be safe. We can safely say we have enough diapers, as we haven't run out of diapers yet, and we don't feel stressed making sure to get the laundry done. We have enough of those essentials.
The other essential item we felt we had to always have enough of was bottles/formula. We never wanted to get in a position of running out late at night to get formula. So again, we figured how much formula he drank a day, then figured it out by week, and when we go grocery shopping we check and make sure we have enough formula to get through the week. Even if we have enough formula for 5 days, we NEVER say, "Oh we can get it later in the week". No. Since we have already carved out time to go to the store, we plan everything we need at the store. I would rather have extra, than run out.
With formula goes bottles. We wanted to have enough bottles so we weren't freaking out about getting them washed, and dried. So we figured Cade takes 4 bottles to daycare. We wanted to have at least one extra at home, for the emergency planning stated above. Then of course we have pet animals, and we have to figure that something might happen involving them and bottle parts, so we have at least 7 bottles in rotation at all times. That means they are (in order of how to use them) in the fridge already filled, dried and filled on the counter, drying on the rack, being cleaned, or in use. We have yet to feel the pressure of not having a bottle ready, or the stress of getting the dishes cleaned.
6. Clean up After Yourself
I know this seems like a really easy one, and I guess it is. I grew up with a sister, and two step-brothers. My mom and step-dad were always on us about cleaning the room we were just in. If you brought an item somewhere you would bring it back out. At my dad's house everything had to be picked up whenever you were done with it. We weren't even allowed to keep games out on the floor while we went to dinner. When we left the house it had to be perfect. I always hated this when I was younger. I used to tell my dad "I am so glad we cleaned the house for the robbers." And, yes that was in a very sarcastic tone.
So growing up that way just made me the way I am. If you bring something somewhere take it out. It makes sense to me, because I grew up that way. It was a little harder training Jacob. But I am happy to say he agrees with me, that this small step helps keep our lives in order. If we eat in the living room, we put all the dishes back in the kitchen, if we bring papers or work materials into the kitchen or living room, then we pick them up and put them away when we are done. I think this small steps helps us not to create a large mess, which would take time to clean up at a later date. I follow this rule at work, at home, and even when getting in and out of my car. This keeps our house, car, and workspace clean and clutterless, helping our lives feel a bit more at peace on a daily basis. This does mean when we go to bed at night the house is pretty tidy. The dishes are put away, the kitchen has been cleaned from dinner, the living room is picked up. This step also helps waking up in the morning, and it feeling like a real new day. I don't walk into the kitchen to see the mess from the night before. We set ourselves up for success each day, but taking the time to put away what we took out at night.
7. Everything Has Its Own Place
This goes along with cleaning up after yourself. Everything in our house has a place, and for the most part, both of us are aware of where that place is. Every item that involves Cade we both know where to find/put it back. This is necessary because Jacob and I both share so many of the responsibilities. To empower both of us, we each have to know where the items are that we will need. That way one of us isn't dependant on the other to complete daily routines. By putting the items back in the exact spot it goes, if I am watching Cade, and I need his "krinkle elephant" I know where to look for it. This step keeps our frustration levels down, and helps us stay organized as a family.
Now I did say, we are aware where items go for the most part, and what I mean by that is we each have certain spaces in the house that are just ours. We each have night stands, I have no idea what is in Jacob's, and I am sure he would say the same for mine. He also has an Army/Police closet (yes, he had an entire closet, bigger than our master closet, for all of his items...I think our lives are a bit backwards at times) that I have a general idea of what is in there, but really I wouldn't be able to find anything in there by myself. I just wanted to put this paragraph in there, because I am strong believer that you still have to be your own person, even while in a relationship. We don't know everything about everything. We do know where things that both of us use, and need to function are, and should be put back.
8. Do for the Morning at Night
What I mean here is, whatever has to be done for the next morning do it the night before. This step has helped our mornings be relaxed, and an on time event. What we do the night before is make our lunches, pack Cade's diaper bag for daycare, pick our our clothes for the next day, and get our items together for the next day and place them in one spot. This step seemed cumbersome at the start, but I can't tell you how many times it has saved one or both of us from possible major panic moments from accidentally sleeping in. I think by making sure we are ready for the next day we get more sleep too. We can set our alarms for exactly the amount of time we need to just get up, and ready in the morning, not for additional time needed to pack lunches, get all of items ready, and get Cade ready. And I don't know about you, but my mind is not 100% in the morning. I am not sure I would trust myself to pack everything Cade needs at 5 a.m. in the morning. By doing that at night, I can clearly think about what he will need, and get it in there. We have essentially taken out the rushing, and frantic-ness of normal mornings. I think this step has helped create an easy, well flowing morning routine, which in turn makes our days start out calm and on a positive note. I think we all could use that.
9. Be Flexible
I think this becomes a HUGE step in finding the calm in the juggle of parenthood. Jacob and I both have careers that create the possibility of our schedules changing. If Jacob calls and says he can't pick up Cade, then it is up to me. I know he doesn't abuse the "I can't get the kid" call, so when it comes in I know it is serious, and the same goes for me. So when something does change, be willing to keep a positive attitude and go with the flow.
This goes with having a little one too. There are days Cade will not need to be fed at the 3 hour mark. He might go 4 or 5 hours. And what about the afternoon that he is ready to be fed after 2 hours. Go with what will create harmony in the home. Don't be so strict to a schedule that the little one is crying his eyes out because he is hungry but it isn't time yet. Keeping a positive attitude even when things are a little crazy helps keep Cade calm, and makes our lives a lot more enjoyable.
10. Live in Reality
Number 10 on the list might be the most important for any new family starting the juggle. Live true to what you can do, with your time, and in your life. I think too many times new moms are faced with this idealistic view of what they are suppose to be able to accomplish. All of those views are mirages. Behind the scenes of that "perfect" mom is either a stressed out parent, an unhappy marriage, a nanny, a personal chef, or who knows what else. No one's life is perfect, and you shouldn't strive to be either.
I have used the phrase "struggle with the juggle" a couple of times through this post. This isn't even a phrase I came up with. I think Cyndi Lauper, while being interviewed on the Today Show, said it. It just really stuck. That is what I go through on a regular basis. It is mine and Jacob's own struggle, in our own juggle. My juggle doesn't look like anyone else's. So my juggle won't look or feel like anyone else's. This list works for Jacob and I. These are the things that in the life we live, works to help us stay afloat, and feel like we are making a difference in Cade's life. I share these to maybe help others. Maybe there is a step that you can take and add to your daily routine to help focus/de-clutter/organize your own day. But don't pretend that this will be the fix for you. Live in your own reality, and make decisions based on your own life. No one knows exactly the life you live, and no one can tell you how to do you better, than you. Don't let those mom blogs get you down, and don't envy the mom at the park. Everyone has their own reality, and the only thing you can do is do the best you can with all that you juggle. Living in what our reality is, not what we wish our lives were like, has helped us make informed, and the best decisions for our lives.
So there you have it. My Top Ten. This is how I am trying to juggle the struggle of an every day in the life of the Larkins. So far so good. I think we are doing okay in our new roles.
