The Many Phases of Deployments

It doesn't seem to matter how long or how far away the deployments are they all seem to have the same phases.

Phase 1: I am Amazing
    This phase is where the person left behind is so pumped and ready for anything that might come. There has been prep done.  Plans made.  No matter the length of time it seems doable. I mean we have done it before.

Phase 2:  Wow, look at...
    This is when you complete the sentence like this:  Wow, look at how much room I have in the bathroom.  Wow, look at how little laundry there is after one week.  Wow, look at how many left overs are in the fridge.  Wow, look at how much room there is in the bed.  You get the idea.

Phase 3:  Pretending to be Okay
   It has been some time.  You are just kind of tired of doing it all alone.  In my case it is taking care of the animals, the kids, the laundry, grocery shopping, extra jobs, commutes, baths, cleaning, tracking schedules, ect.  You are executing the plan like a pro, but it is becoming tiresome.  But if someone sees you in the hallway, you are fine.  Smile.  Give a specific detail that is going well; ex: I am enjoying how little food I have on the grocery list *insert smile*  I mean at this point you can't seem desperate, I mean it can't be that hard.

Phase 4:  Why Does This Seem so Hard
   You question what you have accomplished each day, after you sit down for the first time around 9pm. Unsure where the day went, you look with weary eyes upon the to-do list that has somehow gotten longer, and you sigh in disbelief that you can't even mark one. single. thing. off.  How did getting through a normal day become so difficult?

Phase 5:  Finding Justification
    This phase comes right before the mental breakdown.  You look for justification in everything you do.  At least the kids were fed today, even if it was handed to you from a drivethru window. This shirt will work; I mean you can't see the wrinkles or this stain if I stay out of direct sunlight.  The toddler doesn't need clean socks, I mean he couldn't have sweat too much yesterday.

Phase 6: Mental Breakdown
    This comes normally right around the middle of deployment.  You have made it so far, yet the end seems impossibly far away.  It normally is started by an event that seems so minimal to others, but it put you over the edge.  For me it was a commute from He**  that took an hour and a half to go 13 miles, and getting caught in a flash downpour while trying to get the kids in the car. We came home soaked and had no clean clothes that fit.  I hadn't showered myself or the kids in 3 days.  The fish tank sprang a leak.  I felt hopeless.  Everything was falling apart.  I couldn't do it all.  I got mad.  I got sad.  I missed Jacob.  This phase can last anywhere from a few hours to a few days. 

Phase 7: New Plan
   You have put on your big girl panties and decided you will make it through this.  When you really think about it, what choice do you have.  What you are doing isn't currently working, otherwise you wouldn't have found yourself in phase 6.  This normally involves actually reaching out for some assistance.  Most military spouses I know are not very good at asking for help.  We feel that it is a duty to be able to hold it all together as we navigate through deployments. I mean we have to stay as strong if not stronger as our spouse. It is our job to make them believe we have it all together, as not to upset them or distract them from their job.  A soldier can not be distracted from their goal.  It is here that we humbly reach out and see if anyone will bite.  If you are a civilian please bite.   Reach out. Do for them.  They will be appreciative.

Phase 8: Grateful
   Now that you have reached out and others have helped you don't know how to  repay them. You become to be at a loss of words.  You cry a lot.  You sit in disbelief that others are willing/actually want to help you.  It is this phase you start feel like you will be able to finish this deployment AND keep the kids alive.  You feel so humble, yet so rejuvenated.  A weight has been lifted from your shoulders.

Phase 9:  Really Miss Your Solider
    As tours are winding down so are the requirements of the soldier.  Leaving them more time to talk or video chat.  This is a good/bad thing.  Seeing Jacob is such a renewed sense, but makes it harder to hang up and go to bed alone.  Hearing his voice elates me, but the sound of silence in the house becomes louder.  Talking always leads to I wish you were here, I miss you, I wish I was there talk.  Although it feels great at the time to hear it is hard.

Phase 10:  Deployment is Almost Over
    You have finally almost made it.  You find yourself smiling a little more, on a Wednesday.  You laugh more easily.  Your whole demeanor is starting to change.  You are really looking forward to the daily countdown.  Now you feel a renewed sense to actually clean the kitchen and bathroom.  You want the house to be cleaned, groceries to be done, laundry complete, you don't want to have to be bothered with anything other than just being with your soldier.  Then reality hits, and you really don't have time to get all those things done.  I mean if you had the time to do it, wouldn't you have already wiped the kitchen counters?  Oh well... the kids will have made it through this alive....

Phase 11:  Reunited
    There is nothing more joyous than reuniting with someone who has been gone for a while.  To top physically being gone most military assignments leave communication at a bare minimum.  I can not even explain how big your heart explodes when they are finally back in your arms.  You will choke back tears.  You will have so much to say but not want to say anything at all.

--> A big thank you to the many people who helped me survive this mini deployment.  Childcare helpers the Griners, Robbins, Lauren, and the Kunards.  Dinner makers the Kunards, Hultmans, Gants, Bartigs.  Yard worker Deidre.  Ear lenders  my mom, dad, sister, and my entire small group. Allowed my slacking my 3rd grade team.  It takes a village, and I will look for any way to help when you are in need. 

It all Will Fall Apart

We have been preparing for tomorrow since I got home from Michigan.  But it has been in the back of our minds since June.  Tomorrow. sigh.  Tomorrow Jacob leaves for his annual training in Wisconsin for 3 weeks.

I have done annual trainings before.  But I feel like every year we have added one more complication life event.  First time I was alone with a dog and cat.  Then two dogs.  Then pregnant, then with an infant, then pregnant (and very sick) with a toddler, and now left on my own with two kids.

Every time Jacob has left something crazy happens.  We have had major water damage, I have been sick, animals have run away, air conditioners have broken.  I mean if it will go wrong throughout the year, it will happen while Jacob is gone.  Last year was the first year that his training coincided with the start of the school year for me, which is like two high speed trains heading towards each other.  There is bound to be an explosion.

So this year, when we saw we were headed right for that train wreck again, we spent the last 3 weeks prepping, running through scenarios, perfecting a schedule, and organizing child care.  And you know what?  I know it will all fall apart.

I am prepared for all he** to break lose, I am ready for one or hey why not both kids to get sick.  I am prepared for the air conditioner to crap out.  I am ready to take one or more animals to an emergency vet, on the weekend.  I am slightly excited just waiting to see what unbelievable event(s) will take place this year.

If I am to survive these next three weeks it will be because of the support of my good friends who are taking turns watching Cade and Ellee on Mondays and Tuesdays, my teaching team who will be picking up some slack for me, our sweet nanny who will be on call more than ever to cover open houses, CPR trainings (6 freakin' hours...), and small group meetings, and our daycare for understanding my kids will be there at opening until closing, literally.    I know I will survive because I have amazing friends who are doing the army single mom thing for way longer than 3 weeks, and making it look doable (yes, I am talking of your my sweet Misty).

So here's to the next three weeks.  If I seem a little disorganized, frazzled, not dressed as I should be, or found crying and rocking in a corner remind me how blessed I am, and then tell me to suck it up cupcake.

I will thank you later.