Disney

When we started planning our 2019 Disney trip, a year ago, we had no idea how perfectly timed it would be.  Anytime we plan a vacation it is with the risk and understanding Jacob may be called away for either the Army or the police.  He will do everything he can to attend, but a good majority of the time we have to change our plans, or he has to do only part of the trip. But somehow those 10 days, the longest trip we have ever taken as a family of four, fit right in between all of his trainings and before the deployment.  And wow, did we need those 10 days.  

I know Disney isn't for everyone, but as someone who loves the whole atmosphere of awe, wonder, and magic it is a very special place for me.  And then to experience Disney with young children it almost becomes indescribable.  To watch Ellee, whose eyes lit up and she was turning her head back and forth during the It's A Small World ride made my heart flutter.  To help Cade process through new, and scary to him, rides and then walk off of the rides and he would tell me " I kinda liked one part of that" (which is a total win for that guy) made my heart skip a beat.  And we got to experience it all together.  

The kids got to pick who they wanted to ride rides with, who they would walk with, who would pick them up, who would push the stroller, who they would share their sweet treat with, whose hand they would hold, mommy or daddy.  Mommy or daddy.  They got a whole straight 10 days, uninterrupted, of mommy and daddy.  

I tend to cry easily, which is a surprise to most people.  My tears button is a little on the sensitive side so tears find themselves in my eyes often.  And this trip was no exception. I cried while we were waiting in line for a character and I saw how "big" Ellee looked.  She was standing in line, talking with her cousins, taller than I remembered, and she was smiling sooooo big. Tears. After answering Cade's 100th question about the Haunted House he said "I guess I can do this".  Tears.  We went on the ride Soarin' and as we "flew" over the Serengeti I looked over at Ellee and she had her hands up and she was squealing "We are part of the movie mommy".  Tears.  Cade's excitement after riding  The Living Land ride, which is a calm educational boat ride in which you learn about farming and using the land for good, and I realized those are his kind of rides.  Tears.  Watching both the kids with eyes large and mouths slightly ajar during the end of the day Magic Kingdom firework show.  Tears.  

I lived in the moment for most of the trip.  Forgot about the future we are walking into.  We went into vacation mode, and didn't give much thought to life outside of what was happening in the next few moments. 

But now that we are home the thoughts are whirling in my mind.  The sadness that Jacob will be missing out on those sorts of events.  The thoughts of how many moments the kids will have memories of but their dad won't be in them.  Who will I secretly roll my eyes with when Cade asks another question about the ride's safety?  Who will help me remove Ellee when her hanger has caused her to lose her mind in a restaurant?  And then my mind wanders to if I can do any of this alone?  

This trip was so well planned.  This trip gave me the strength I needed to remember I can do it.  I will be able to share with Jacob all of the moments that happen every day, even if I forget a few of them along the way.  The kids will still be connected to their dad because we have been so intentional up until this point, and will continue to be while he is away.  These memories, these whole 10 days, will serve us all so well as we go into the future.  

That is Kinda What it Feels Like

Have you ever made a big move?  You know that point in the move when you have packed up most of the stuff you don't really use, but you still need to function in the house so the "essentials" are out?  But then all of a sudden, before you are ready for it, the moving truck is in your driveway, most of the boxes are out in the truck, and you look around and there is stuff left? Everywhere.  So you grab a box, or a bag, or anything that can hold something and start a mad dash going around the house grabbing anything that is left and throwing it in said item holder? And this almost always happens past the time that you wanted to be out of the house.

That is where we are in our journey.

Or at least that is the closest I can come to trying to help non-military understand the atmosphere that surrounds us right now. 

It kinda feels like that.

We had a "soft" deadline to have everything on the "To-Do-Before-J-Leaves" list completed before we leave for Disney World.  We leave Thursday. 

We are now re-evaluating the list, which is really evaluation number 106, to see what really, really, really needs to get done. 

We have done a great job overall.  Most of our Army paperwork has been updated, uploaded, and copied.  We spent a morning on the base covering "our bases".  We got the big items out the way.  Could I take down Ellee's toddler bed (which used to be her crib), and build a new bed, and lug mattresses upstairs?  Sure.  Is that something I want to have on my list while trying to do it all in the Fall?  Nope.  Same with the ailing tree in the front yard.  Well, mother nature actually helped move us along on getting that taken care of when she split it and dropped it on our front yard.  But all of the the trees, front and back, have been trimmed back or taken down.   Something I won't have to have in the back of my mind after I start my school year.  Oh, and I learned how to cut the animals nails.  This task will prove to be difficult for me I think. 

The last two days have met us here in Georgia with rain.  We need the rain actually, but that didn't mean it didn't mess up a few of our plans.  But it also forced us to look at the to-do list and prioritize.  We actually accomplished quite a bit around the house.  Jacob takes care of so much that I never even give a second thought to, except now, I will have to.  Who does the gutters?  Who do I contact to get my car worked on?  Who do we use for plumbing?  Where do we keep the oil for the lawn mower?  We went through his desk (which is really a large corner desk, taking up like 1/8 of our basement, perfect for gaming or so he says).  We organized it, and put paperwork in places I can find.  I may not even mind using that area to do some of the house work that will need to be done.  We reorganized the tool bench area too.  I am capable of home improvement but have been spoiled for so long not having to do really any of it.  I now feel secure in being able to find most of the tools I will need. 

The moving analogy came to me while we were taking bags upon bags out of the house.  Some to the trash, most set out for donation. We have made two trips to Goodwill in the last two days, plus multiple other organizations if we knew they could use some of this stuff.   As I loaded a bag full of random stuff I was taken back to the moment of panic as Jacob and I were moving out of our first apartment together which was in Kalamazoo, Michigan and we were set out for Atlanta, Georgia.  We had rented a U-Haul and took everything out and it was getting dark, and cold (it was Michigan), and I was going around the house frantically throwing whatever was left in a large trash bag.  We, of course, were running over an hour behind when wanted to be on the road.  And I thought that is kinda what it feels like.

We are frantically trying to finish the to-do list and we are already behind.  It is no longer happening in a linear, organized fashion, but a throw it all in and we will sort it out when it is over.

Yeah.  That is kinda what is feels like. 

Happy Tears

Just like that May is done.  As a teacher, and a mom of school age kids, I have to say I am so thankful.  To top May off I was sick three separate times.  I do believe the multiple sickness were due to me getting strep throat May 1st, and then never resting long enough for my weakened immune system (pesky blood disorder) to fully recover.  Just today, June 1st, I am actually feeling like my normal Amanda self.  Almost ready to start back my running, but Jacob is keeping me home for a couple more days. 

Teachers are done down here in Georgia (sorry Michigan friends and family teachers), which opened up my schedule immensely.  This is a phenomenon I always tend to forget until I am living it again.  Although the large elephant still sits in the living room, I feel like we are managing our time and my heart is currently full on quality time! 

I have been posting a lot about our 19 in 2019 list on the social medias.

This is a sort of family bucket list we started doing last year with 18 for 2018.  Everyone gets to put items on the "wish list", and then we do the best we can to cross them all off.  Only rule is we all have to be together for it to count.  All 4 of us.  This was an important rule as many would be shocked at the little amount of time we actually get as all 4 of us (Team Larkin as we refer to it), due to my school hours (and I admit I probably did a whole lot extra this past year, I am scaling back for this coming school year, I promise), Jacob's odd police hours (yup, cops work most holidays, extra shifts during busy times for the city, big example- Superbowl...yeah we barely saw him, and weird hours and weekends), and then add in his military commitments.  You all get the picture.  When we made our 19 for 2019 list this year, we had a pretty good indication that Jacob would be deployed at some point.  However, we didn't know specifics (honestly until he is on the plane you don't know specifics with the military), so we went into the list as if we had all year.   We have committed to getting it done, or as close as we can. 

When I am stressed I make lists.  Then I make lists to add to the lists.  And then I probably break down each task on the list on a separate list. Then I put it in the calendar.  Of course it is color coded.  All that for another post.  As of right now every 2019 item is completed, or on the calendar, except the 12 date nights.  I think we will finish with around 8 date nights, but those are hard to squeeze in when we already go to a couples small group (almost weekly) and attend counseling twice a month, both of which we decided not to count as dates.  But we could...

Oh, and the kayaking.   Very sad, but Ellee has to be 5 years old, and she is just 4, and not even close to the suggested weight so I called a defer until next year on that one.  We have some ideas up our sleeves and Colorado is on our radar for next summer so that would be an awesome deferment. 

But in the last couple days we completed:

#13 - 500 Piece Puzzle (Ellee pick)
The kids love puzzles and they can do a 100 piece puzzle in less than 30 mins.  They asked for something a little harder.  We picked a Disney themed one so we could have fun seeing the characters they will be visiting in just a few days!!  Low and behold there are not that many Disney 500 piece puzzles, so the one we ordered (from somewhere in Asia), came with almost see-through pieces that were 1 cm long. You read the right.  1 centimeter.  Although one might think the size and the clear pieces would be an issue, the only real hard part was that we all had to be together to work on it.  Aside from Cade's face in the completed photo they really did enjoy it.  We finished on a Friday afternoon, and man, oh man, both our kids are so beat by Fridays we actually do early bedtimes most Fridays.  Hence, his mood for the picture...

#15 - Ice Skating (Cade pick)
Although Cade was thinking about the outdoor ice skating rink in Marietta Square when he added this to the list he is aware why we had to settle for an indoor ice rink at the end of May.  Both kids had great attitudes going in, and Ellee was determined to never take a break, no matter how many times she fell.  And she fell.  A lot.  And hard.  But that girl figured out how to get herself back up, eventually could get herself back to the side to "catch" herself, and she was skating pretty fast by the end.  Cade a little more cautious (as with most of life for him) he hung onto the wall for quite a while.  Once he fell and realized it was okay to fall and get back up he became much more confident.  He too was pretty sturdy by the end.  Jacob fell right back into old habits and could really pick up speed when Ellee  would let him go around by himself.  He ended up on the ice only twice, and both times he was taken out by Ellee. I got one of the times on film (is that the phrasing here?!?!).  I also peed myself a little laughing so hard.  I didn't pick up as much speed as Jacob on the rink, but I fell right back into skating pretty easily.  I was surprised how quickly I was able to spin, turn, and skate backwards (which made me a rockstar to both Cade and Ellee)! 

  

#14 - Visit an Aquarium (Jacob pick)
This was suppose to be a "new to us" aquarium, but that wasn't how we wrote it down...so a visit to the Georgia Aquarium right here in Atlanta was a good compromise.  Cade and Ellee both said they didn't remember the last time we had visited, and honestly they have made so many good changes to our aquarium I was happy we revisited.  We did the early morning on a Friday, so it wasn't super crowded as it had been when we visited before.  And the dolphin show is a great add on!  Everyone had a great day, and Jacob just loves being with his fish. 

  

#17 - Family Art Project (Cade Pick)

This pick was also originated by Cade who wanted do some sort of "snow" art with everyone so we called it Family Art.  But he couldn't tell us exactly what he wanted.  So we showed him a lot of pictures (not snow related to help move away from that specific idea) on Pinterest and he picked a letter string art.  We totally winged the whole thing.  And I think it turned out pretty cool.  Each of us picked a color we wanted to represent us, Jacob - Green, me - pink, Cade - Blue, Ellee - Purple (only because the kind of string we picked didn't have rainbow).  The whole project did take over an hour, and we took a break for dinner, mostly because the two adults were having back issues from being bent over for too long, but I love, love, love the finished product! We put the date on the back, all signed our names, and it is up on the mantle.  I love it!  

I have to admit putting the time in to get these items accomplished has really helped me mentally prepare for what is coming.  There are actual moments I completely forget our time as a team of 4 will be put on hiatus for a little while. I also think these memories are going to help the kids move through the longest period they have been without their dad.  And if I were being completely honest that is my biggest fear this time around.  I know I can do it.  But can I support two littles through it too?  All of these thoughts will be left for another time as right now I will push the tears welling up in my eyes away for a little longer.  These past couple of days have felt so special I won't allow the fears of tomorrow creep in.