It doesn't seem to matter how long or how far away the deployments are they all seem to have the same phases.
Phase 1: I am Amazing
This phase is where the person left behind is so pumped and ready for anything that might come. There has been prep done. Plans made. No matter the length of time it seems doable. I mean we have done it before.
Phase 2: Wow, look at...
This is when you complete the sentence like this: Wow, look at how much room I have in the bathroom. Wow, look at how little laundry there is after one week. Wow, look at how many left overs are in the fridge. Wow, look at how much room there is in the bed. You get the idea.
Phase 3: Pretending to be Okay
It has been some time. You are just kind of tired of doing it all alone. In my case it is taking care of the animals, the kids, the laundry, grocery shopping, extra jobs, commutes, baths, cleaning, tracking schedules, ect. You are executing the plan like a pro, but it is becoming tiresome. But if someone sees you in the hallway, you are fine. Smile. Give a specific detail that is going well; ex: I am enjoying how little food I have on the grocery list *insert smile* I mean at this point you can't seem desperate, I mean it can't be that hard.
Phase 4: Why Does This Seem so Hard
You question what you have accomplished each day, after you sit down for the first time around 9pm. Unsure where the day went, you look with weary eyes upon the to-do list that has somehow gotten longer, and you sigh in disbelief that you can't even mark one. single. thing. off. How did getting through a normal day become so difficult?
Phase 5: Finding Justification
This phase comes right before the mental breakdown. You look for justification in everything you do. At least the kids were fed today, even if it was handed to you from a drivethru window. This shirt will work; I mean you can't see the wrinkles or this stain if I stay out of direct sunlight. The toddler doesn't need clean socks, I mean he couldn't have sweat too much yesterday.
Phase 6: Mental Breakdown
This comes normally right around the middle of deployment. You have made it so far, yet the end seems impossibly far away. It normally is started by an event that seems so minimal to others, but it put you over the edge. For me it was a commute from He** that took an hour and a half to go 13 miles, and getting caught in a flash downpour while trying to get the kids in the car. We came home soaked and had no clean clothes that fit. I hadn't showered myself or the kids in 3 days. The fish tank sprang a leak. I felt hopeless. Everything was falling apart. I couldn't do it all. I got mad. I got sad. I missed Jacob. This phase can last anywhere from a few hours to a few days.
Phase 7: New Plan
You have put on your big girl panties and decided you will make it through this. When you really think about it, what choice do you have. What you are doing isn't currently working, otherwise you wouldn't have found yourself in phase 6. This normally involves actually reaching out for some assistance. Most military spouses I know are not very good at asking for help. We feel that it is a duty to be able to hold it all together as we navigate through deployments. I mean we have to stay as strong if not stronger as our spouse. It is our job to make them believe we have it all together, as not to upset them or distract them from their job. A soldier can not be distracted from their goal. It is here that we humbly reach out and see if anyone will bite. If you are a civilian please bite. Reach out. Do for them. They will be appreciative.
Phase 8: Grateful
Now that you have reached out and others have helped you don't know how to repay them. You become to be at a loss of words. You cry a lot. You sit in disbelief that others are willing/actually want to help you. It is this phase you start feel like you will be able to finish this deployment AND keep the kids alive. You feel so humble, yet so rejuvenated. A weight has been lifted from your shoulders.
Phase 9: Really Miss Your Solider
As tours are winding down so are the requirements of the soldier. Leaving them more time to talk or video chat. This is a good/bad thing. Seeing Jacob is such a renewed sense, but makes it harder to hang up and go to bed alone. Hearing his voice elates me, but the sound of silence in the house becomes louder. Talking always leads to I wish you were here, I miss you, I wish I was there talk. Although it feels great at the time to hear it is hard.
Phase 10: Deployment is Almost Over
You have finally almost made it. You find yourself smiling a little more, on a Wednesday. You laugh more easily. Your whole demeanor is starting to change. You are really looking forward to the daily countdown. Now you feel a renewed sense to actually clean the kitchen and bathroom. You want the house to be cleaned, groceries to be done, laundry complete, you don't want to have to be bothered with anything other than just being with your soldier. Then reality hits, and you really don't have time to get all those things done. I mean if you had the time to do it, wouldn't you have already wiped the kitchen counters? Oh well... the kids will have made it through this alive....
Phase 11: Reunited
There is nothing more joyous than reuniting with someone who has been gone for a while. To top physically being gone most military assignments leave communication at a bare minimum. I can not even explain how big your heart explodes when they are finally back in your arms. You will choke back tears. You will have so much to say but not want to say anything at all.
--> A big thank you to the many people who helped me survive this mini deployment. Childcare helpers the Griners, Robbins, Lauren, and the Kunards. Dinner makers the Kunards, Hultmans, Gants, Bartigs. Yard worker Deidre. Ear lenders my mom, dad, sister, and my entire small group. Allowed my slacking my 3rd grade team. It takes a village, and I will look for any way to help when you are in need.
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