The color lavender

I went in for a regular check up yesterday.  I had to take the "sugar" test.  It is when you drink this really sugary concoction, wait an hour, and then they take your blood to check how your body is reacting to the sugar.  It really is a test for preclampsia, if you haven't shown signs before this point.  The doctor had decided since we would be taking some blood, we might as well get a Complete Blood Count (CBC).  The CBC will tell how many red and white blood cells, platelets, ect I've got going on in my blood. 

I am very well aware of a CBC.  My journey with ITP started when I was 20 years old.  I discuss the start of my journey here.  The CBC tube is the light purple, or lavender, tube they collect blood in.  I am well versed in the different colors, but the lavender one is one I had taken every week for almost 6 years. 

The lavender tube has ruled my life in a way.  For the first 2.5 years of ITP I went in every week to make sure my platelets were maintaining.  If they stayed the same I stayed on the same medication.  If the levels shifted, I changed my dosage, or meds all together.  After 2008, when I got really sick, the CBC was still taken every week, but then it was a statement of how bad is it?  And it got bad.  So bad in fact I wasn't healthy enough to start chemo for 4 months.  Many people don't realize you have to meet certain health requirements to put a poison in your body.  I would go into the doctors over and over again hoping for the right numbers, just for them to shove the needle up my arm, and the lavender tube to disappoint.  Finally the lavender tube said I had enough platelets for my first chemo treatment in April 2008. 

But my affair with the CBC didn't stop there.  I had to continue to go in every week, to face the lavender tube.  My platelets dropped pretty fast, I was placed back on steroids, and then finished 6 more rounds of chemo during the summer of 2008.  Remission was claimed in Nov 2008, and I have been in remission since then. Right before I found out I was pregnant the doctor was talking to me about my next round of chemo.  It was almost time.  My platelets had been falling again.  At the time we were discussing chemo this summer.....or what would have been right now.

The lavender tube became a way of life for me.  What the tube said was where my life had to go next.  Not enough platelets, too many, how fast are they falling?  The tube made a lot of decisions for me. 

So back to the doctor's office yesterday.  I knew I was doing the sugar test, and I am pretty sure the doctor said that he would do a CBC since we were taking blood anyway.  We had not taken a lot of CBCs during the pregnancy because everything was going so well.  He hated to take blood from a seemingly healthy pregnant woman if we didn't have to.  I was sitting in the lab, hooked up to blood pressure machine.  Everything had gone fine, and I was reading my book.  The nurse walked in, and put two tubes down on the counter next to me.  One of them was the lavender one...

I felt the breath in my chest shorten.  I held my breath a little bit.  I know my heart rate quickened.  When the blood pressure machine registered the change, the nurse bent down, and said "Oh, honey I am so sorry.  You don't like needles?!  You should have told me.  Your blood pressure just went a little crazy."  My throat was still a little dry, and all I could do was smile.  I am not afriad of needles. I could care less about those needles....but that lavender tube.....

I am trying not to freak out, as I do not have my lab results back yet.  I am sure all the counts are fine.  But what will the tube say?  What if my counts are low?  What if they are super low?  What if Pat is in danger?  What if there are transfusions, bed rest, or chemo in my future?  Just writing about this I am noticing my breath is short and quick.  I hate that my next life decision sits in a lavender tube. 

I should be used to it.  I know my body better than anyone.  I feel great.  I am starting to run/walk again.  I have energy.  I am perfect measure for my 29 weeks along, and I have gained almost exactly the amount of weight they wanted me to by this point.  I shouldn't be afraid of what the CBC will say because I am fine.  But too many times in my life this lavender tube has let me down.