Goodbyes...

This will be one of those posts that I babble about nothingness for a while. Today's topic goodbyes. Not the kind that I have given to some who were leaving to meet Jesus, but the kind where people are still on Earth just not in the near vicinity of yourself.

There have been very few goodbyes that have left a lasting impact. I am thinking of this now because now that Jacob is in a very active reserve unit, our goodbyes will be once a month and for longer amounts of time (3-4 days) than we have been used to for the past two years. I think to myself as his 3 day weekend is coming up "come on you baby ...you two spent 4 years apart...get a grip" But then I think to myself none of those (there were 12 total) goodbyes were easy.

When Jacob left for Basic Training we (his parents and I) drove him to this random hotel in a random city, with all of his belongings that we had spent the last two weeks packing up. We sat on some picnic tables until the sun had almost set (it was July so it was late) and then we just hugged and said goodbye. I did not cry. I did not well up...I think part of it had to be was I was a tough 18 year old with "his" parents. I had completely supported his decision from the beginning and there was no way I would show anyone anything other than that. We drove (for a few hours), back to their house, and politely excusing myself I got into my '91 Saturn and drove off. It was at the only stop light between our houses that I finally burst out in tears.

Almost 3 weeks later we had completely packed up my mom's car, and we were headed to Kalamazoo to drop me off for my first band camp, and first college experience. My mom helped me drag everything up to the 5th floor, the furthest room on the left. We made a trip to Target to get some last minute items I would need, and then the post office to mail something for Duane. It was up on the fifth floor, with my box fan blowing, my mom gave me a great big hug and kissed me on top of the head (I am very short next to my mom), and walked down the hallway. I watched her get into her car and then she became very blurry as my eyes welled with tears. I was completely scared, and I loved my mom and family so much. I had just said goodbye to my best friend, and now my mom was driving away. I know this is something that is necessary in many people's lives, mine included....but it still brings tears to my eyes. It was a meaningful goodbye.

Flash forward two years and we are in Grand Rapids airport. Two days before Jacob and I had professed our love for each other, and exchanged rings. We had just finished eating some airport Little Cesar pizza, and I refused to think about what was going to happen. Jacob's parents gave us some time alone as I walked as far as I could towards the terminal. Right before the gate we exchanged words, none of which I remember now, and he heaved his army bag over his shoulder and just walked away. He only turned back once, and I think that was best. I also turned my back towards the gates and started walking back towards his family. Once again I was able to hold myself together until I got back into my car, and drove back to college. I had a good hour and a half to bawl my eyes out.

The last goodbye that I will bore you with, if anyone is still reading, is the goodbye in front of our first Atlanta apartment. Once again there stood my mom and I. Duane and mom had just driven cross country with Jacob and I to help us embark on our newest adventure. We stood in the parking lot. Once again my mom hugged me, and kissed me on top of the head. We both walked opposite directions to get in our cars. I refused to cry...but the tears welling in my eyes were hard to miss. Mom and Duane drove off, and once again the car they were in blurred.

All of these goodbyes have shaped me in some way. All of them for the better. I am reading a book by Andy Stanley right now and he talks about how you follow a path throughout life. I believe these goodbyes helped me down many of the right paths. I think writing this helped me fight through some of my feeling with this upcoming goodbye. I know it will be nothing like the ones I listed above, but I have grown strength from all of those so that I can continue to support Jacob whatever that might bring.

Another update: I had my doctors appointment and everything looks great. I am still high with platelets and he doesn't want to see me until June (unless I want to see him) and then he will be able to claim long term remission! Then I would only see them once a year. I am so excited! YAY!