Jacob, Cade, and I left for Chicago about 2 p.m. on Friday. We had a plan of driving as far as we could, and then stop. Somewhere outside of Atlanta, I realized I had not packed my Nike capris, the pants I was planning on running in. At that point we couldn't turn back, so I went on to call my mom and sister, and hoped one of them could find me the same kind of capris I was used to, and bring them to Chicago for me. We made it to Louisville, and decided to stop just North of the city. I knew the sleep you get two nights before the race is the most important, so I wanted to be able to get a good 7 hours at least.
Saturday I woke well rested, as Cade had slept most of the night, only getting up once. It was so cold when we woke up. We went to breakfast at the hotel, and Jacob and I were dressed in three layers. We got on the road, and our next stop was the Expo. I strapped Cade into the baby backpack, and away we went. While we waited in line for my number, most people must have thought we were in line for Jacob. But then when I walked up the counter, with my ID out, there were three ladies from the next line over that gave out small utterances. One lady asked if I had given birth to the baby. When I shook my head yes, she exclaimed how great I looked. Another woman asked how old the baby was, and when I answered 6 weeks, she looked at her husband and muttered "and I thought I was brave running a year after our baby". I must admit I like giving people something to talk about, but I never want anyone to feel inferior. Anyone out there running is amazing. I wished the woman good luck, and we were off to our hotel.
My sister Trisha, and her husband Rob were already at the hotel, so we checked in and got settled. Trisha came with two different Nike pants to try. The number one race mistake is to run in something new, but I didn't have a choice. I figured one of the capris would work. Jacob's parents found their way to the hotel room, and we picked a place to eat. We were able to meet my Get Fit Atlanta running friends Olga, and Beth for dinner. I had some spaghetti, and garlic bread. We all said goodnight early and off to bed we went.
That night Jacob told me I would have to start telling people I was sick. My family knew that the doctor had ordered chemo. I hadn't told anyone else. Jacob said the dark circles under my eyes were giving my secret away. I was looking sick. This was hard to hear and weighed heavy on my mind. I knew I was playing a game by running this marathon. I knew I might not finish the race. But being the determined person I am, I knew I would give it everything I had.
RACE DAY, Sunday, Oct. 7, 2012
My alarm went off about 4:45 a.m. I was still trying to breast feed, so I got up early to do that. We had told Trisha and Rob to be ready at 6:15 so we could walk to the start. According to google maps we were 1.2 miles away, a 25 minute walk. It was 34 degrees according to my phone. I had decided to wear my (new) capris, my DetermiNation tank top, my compression sleeves, a throw away hat and gloves, and I brought my sunglasses. The walk to the start was so cold. I was starting to get really nervous. I was able to choke down a deli thin with peanut butter, and a Marathon Bar. I had 7, no caffeine, Gels with me. I also was going to run with my phone, chapstick, and Ipod. I started playing head games with myself. I started doubting my training, my decision to try the race, my thought that I was capable of racing under the newest conditions I had become aware of. Negativity started to overwhelm me.
I left Trisha, Rob, Jacob, and Cade, and into the corral area I walked. I had about 30 minutes before the corral closed so I went and stood in line at the potty. I thought I had plenty of time, but as the time ticked away, the line wasn't moving as fast as I had hoped. I took one of my first Gels at 7:15. I got to talking with 3 other ladies, who were also in the charity corral. One was in her 50's and this was her first marathon, she was from Iowa. The younger gal, this was her second time doing Chicago. She had been laid off, broke up with her boyfriend, and lost her apartment all in a week last year. She decided to start training for the race, and enjoyed it so much last year, she was back again. The other woman was in her 40's, lived in Chicago, and she was doing her third marathon, but her first time running Chicago. It was great to hear their stories. This is what I love about races.
I ended up having to run to get in my corral by 7:30. I just made it in, as they closed it off behind me. This freaked me out a little, as I always like to be early, but I just told myself I was in, and just get ready to run. The race had started, and I was at the end of the first wave. We were on our way. I had been having trouble with my Garmin watch for a few weeks, but I had held off on getting a new one, until after Chicago. I wanted the watch just so I could watch my pace, I needed to stay under a 15 minute mile. I didn't care about my overall time, I just didn't want to get pulled off the course.
As I went over the start pad, I felt tears in my eyes. I normally don't get emotional at races, but this race had me all messed up in the head. I knew what I was racing for. I was racing for me. I was going to run this race to prove to myself I am still me. I might be a mom, I might be sick, but somewhere in there was me. Amanda. A strong willed little girl. A stubborn woman. Amanda. This race was a race against myself. I am stronger than all those bad looks I got as I continued to run while pregnant. I was stronger than all those negative comments, about how I wasn't going to a good mother because of my inner fears. I was stronger than all of those people who thought, she can't do it. I am stronger than a diagnosis. I am stronger than a blood count. I am stronger than a number on a piece of paper. As all of these thoughts went racing through my mind, I couldn't help but become tearful. I held it together. I shook my head, to clear my thoughts, and held my head high. This race would be one I would always remember.
At the start of the course we went under an overpass. I was worried my watch would mess up, and sure enough when I made it to the first mile marker, my watch only said I had gone 0.7 miles. So right at mile 1 I figured my watch was screwed up, and I would have to rely on my own body to tell me how I was doing. I saw my spectators right before mile 2, and it was so great to see them! I gave them my hat, and gloves. I don't care what anyone else says, I love having spectators at my races. It is so refreshing to see them! It always brings a smile to my face. I felt really strong as I took off towards LaSalle St.
Chicago has always been a bucket list race, because my dad moved there when I was just 15 years old. Trisha and I spent a lot of time in the city, and we know it quite intimately. I love the city. When I looked over the course I knew I would love this race! I could picture most of the course in my mind. I was really looking forward to enjoying my time running through the city.
The crowd for the first half of the race was amazing. I loved running past the Lincoln Park Zoo, and right past my dad and Gary's house during mile 8. For the first time in 15 years they were not in the city, but just going through the neighborhood was so reassuring. I felt so at home as I ran through the city streets. So many memories came flooding to me. They almost served as a distraction. I ate a Gel at mile 5, 8, and right before 12. At every water stop I got a cup of water, and walked long enough to drink it. This is something I have done at every race, and it is a nice short break. Out of habit I kept checking my watch, and I knew something was wrong as it was saying my pace was between 10:30 and 11:00 minute miles. I knew that couldn't be right. I was hoping I was keeping a fast enough pace, but figured since I hadn't walked, but the water stops, I had to be under my goal. My wonderful spectators were right after the water stop at mile 12. I took off my arm warmers, as the girl from the bathroom line had told me that the second part of the race was not shaded, and the sun was starting to beat down. I heard one of the race officials say it was 44 degrees. I told Jacob that my watch was broken, and it was saying I was doing 10:30 miles. He looked at me, and said, "You are doing 10:30 miles. You need to slow down". I couldn't believe it. I hadn't run that pace since my last pre-pregnancy race, in early Nov. 2011. The other thing I couldn't believe was how great I felt! Slow down....not anytime soon!
As I rounded the corner to the mile 13 marker, I heard my name being called, and there was my bestee Shane, and his wife Diana. I was super pumped to see them! Again, it is just a boost when someone is out there shouting, and cheering for you. I knew I was half way, and I still felt good. I was going to give it my all, and for the first time, I felt like I might make it to the end.
I Geled at mile 14, 16.5, 20 and right before 24. The potty girl was right, and there was little shade on the second part of the course. The crowd thinned between miles 15 and 18. There were always some people out there, but it was thinner. I started to get a little slower around mile 18, and I had to walk inbetween water stops during miles 20-24. I wouldn't say I hit a wall, as I was very determined to finish this race. But I did struggle a little mentally. I just got tired. My hips started hurting. I started beating myself up for the small bits of walking. I tried watching my watch for the pace. I never wanted my pace to say anything above 14 minutes.
Around mile 20 I realized I was going to finish. Even if I had to walk the entire way to the finish I would finish under 6 hours and 30 minutes, the course's maximum time allowed. It was about that time that I thought I might be able to make this a personal record (PR). My previous PR was 5 hours and 45 minutes. As I neared mile 23, I started to become tearful again. I not only was going to finish, I was going to finish with my fastest time for sure.
I saw my beautiful spectators at mile 26. I was back to slow jog at that point, and waved as I went in for the last 0.2. I felt strong. I felt emotionally capable to take on whatever lied in front of me. I would be able to conquer whatever life was ready to throw at me. And I knew this was all true as I crossed the finish line at 5 hours and 6 minutes. No tears at the finish. I wasn't there to cry. I was there to prove to myself I was/am capable. I did that. I owned Chicago!
As I made it through the finishers shoot, the cold hit me. The race ends only 3 blocks in from Lake Michigan, and the coolness was a bitter, brisk, wind. I met up with the family and dressed back up in layers as quickly as possible. We took a few pictures, and back to the hotel we walked.
This race was a great race for me mentally, and emotionally. This race had great entertainment, and crowd support throughout. I almost felt it had more entertainment than the Rock and Roll marathon in Savannah. I thought the race had plenty of water stops, and each one was well manned with volunteers. Everything was marked really well, and the course had plenty to look at. Not to mention it was very flat, and fast. There were ample bathrooms, and the race was well run. I would recommend this race to anyone looking for a great, flat, fun race.
I want to take some time to thank my family, especially Jacob. At any point they could have convinced me not to race, or even got angry at my stubborness to keep training. They didn't. They trusted me enough to know my own body, and to do what I thought was best. Thank you. I would also like to thank my Amber girls. Your support means so much! I know I thought I was crazy at first, but as we all know crazy loves company. Thank you for understanding crazy isn't so bad! And then a final thank you to Get Fit Atlanta coaches. Seriously, without you I wouldn't have made it to half of the training runs. If it would be left to me to map out a course I wouldn't do it. Thank you for having the course figured out, and letting me lag behind for those 6 months while carrying Cade. I truly believe a marathon is never achieved alone. This one was no exception.
I achieved more than a marathon dream when I crossed the finish line. This race was a race to prove to myself I am still in control of my spiraling life. I still hold the key to my own accomplishments. I still am in control....of me. And when I crossed that line, I knew I was ready for anything. So bring it life....this marathon momma is ready!
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