I will say first of all, that I am the proud mother of a beautiful baby boy Cade Ashby Larkin. We have been home for almost 12 hours, and we are fitting back into our lives, which does include 5 animals. Many people obviously know my back story, and have questions about what happened, before, during, and after labor. I will do my best to say what I can. I will also say I won't go into super detail, but there might be more than some people want to know. You have been warned.
Jacob and I called the hospital at 5:30 on Friday morning. We were on the induction list, and they had a room that would be ready for me at 7:30. I hadn't really slept that much the night before, and I hadn't eaten anything since 7:30 the night before. As we drove to the hospital I just kept thinking about how this was the last time I would go down this road without a baby, be on this highway without a baby, the next time I turned this corner I would be a mother. I remember Jacob and I were really just pretty quite.
I had my triathlon bag packed as my labor bag. We parked, and I walked myself through the parking deck, and up the stairs to labor/delivery. I was feeling the same I had for the past few weeks. We got into our labor room and we got situated. I was overwhelmed by the kindness, and compassion of everyone we came across at Northside Hospital Atlanta. I was hooked up to an IV, and they took my CBC right away. They couldn't start anything until my counts came back and the doctor gave the okay. They did hook me up and "Pat" (at the time) to the monitors. We were pleasantly surprised to find I was already having contractions about 3-5 minutes apart. I hadn't felt anything.
At 9:15 the doc got word that my counts were 63,000, and he approved me to be induced. I was 3 cm dilated when we started. We watched the TV, I read some magazines, joked around with the nurses. I did get an enema, which was not as bad as everyone makes it out to be. Uncomfortable of course, but not too bad. Happy I did it in the end...no pun intended.
At noon the doctor made his first visit to come in for a check. While he was getting ready to just check me out my water broke on its own. That made me feel a bit better about the whole situation. The doctor was surprised, and told me he wasn't planning on that happening yet, but he said things would start moving along. I was happy that nature had been working the whole time, and most likely I would have gone into labor in the next few days, had I not been where I was at that time.
At 12:30 I started feeling the contractions. I was happy at that point, because up until then I was unable to know I was having contractions, unless the machine told me. The nurse gave me a pain killer to help "take the edge off". I didn't feel any difference, I guess I had an immunity to it as I never felt relief so I didn't continue to take it.
At 2:30 I started throwing up from the pain. I was walking back and forth to the bathroom just to move around. At this point things get a little fuzzy and I can't give specifics. I know I threw up a couple more times, and I just kept walking back and forth to the bathroom. I know nurses were in and out of the room, I know Jacob was there. Besides that I can't remember too much.
I do remember our tech Pat, yes her name was really Pat, was in the room when I started feeling like I had to push. Pat told me it wasn't time yet, but the pain, and the pressure was so intense I told her otherwise. She had me lay down on my side, and packed me in with pillows to help me get through the pain. When I held on to the side of bed and couldn't help but push, she finally checked me out. It was then she said "Oh dear sweety, hold on. It is time, and I am going to get the doctor in here right now".
Things get fuzzier from there. The nurses tell me that I started pushing at 6:15. I remember the doc making some jokes. I know Jacob was up behind my head. I was flat on my back, and holding on to the bed rails. My body just took over. It told me when to push, the doc counted, and Jacob helped support my neck and encouraged me. The amount of pain I was in cannot be described.
I know I was becoming discouraged in the middle. I felt like I was pushing as hard as I could, only to stop pushing and feel the baby slide back inside. I felt like I had no more energy left, and the doctor just kept telling me I was doing great, and I was a superwoman. I remember the doc holding apart my pelvic bones, and telling me he knew I wouldn't be happy with him. The pain was overwhelming, but I just keep thinking there will be a baby at the end of this.
Then it finally happened. I remember seeing the baby's head come out. The doc cleaned the baby's eyes and nose, and then I heard the baby cry. I couldn't tell if it was a boy or a girl yet. It was one more round of pushing to get the baby out. I remember seeing the baby and looking back at Jacob and smiling. I knew we had a boy. No one had to tell me. I looked at Jacob and said "We have a Cade" It was then that things in the room changed.
The nurses took the baby to the other side of the room, which I was told would happen. They would clean the baby, check for the major vitals, wrap the baby and return the baby back to the mom. I watched them checking over Cade, and I heard that everything was fine. But then I could tell there was a change in the atmosphere. The doctor had a steady look on his face, and the nurses started moving around with hushed voices. Then the nurses that had Cade called Jacob over to them. I remember thinking why isn't the baby over here? Why haven't they let me put my legs down? Why is everything happening so fast? The doctor started shouting out orders, I remember the word "stat" coming out of his mouth, and I thought, this really happens in real life? One of my last full memories is Jacob across the room torn between looking at his new baby, and watching what was happening to his wife. I watched his face look at the doctor with confusion and horror, and then when his eyes met mine, a look of fear crossed his face. I knew something wasn't right. I asked the doctor if this was normal? He wouldn't answer me. I looked to the right as a nurse stuck me with three different needles, I asked her if this was normal? She just looked at me with compassion, but said nothing.
Whatever was in those shots messed me up. I have little clear memories for the next few hours. I know the doctor worked on me from 7:05, when Cade was born, to around 8:30. I later learned that he could not get the bleeding under control. The doctor estimates, and he said it was a low estimate 3 separate times, that I lost 2.5 times the amount of blood someone does during a c-section. Remember Cade had a vaginal birth. I was given around four different types of clotting steroids, and some morphine to help me "through the tough stuff". The doctor and nurses worked non stop, and I remember the doctor finally pushing back and he looked like a murder victim. I wanted to joke with him, but my words fell on deaf ears. I could not keep my eyes open, and when my eyes would open they would vibrate back and forth. I just laid on the bed. I wanted to eat, and drink something so badly. But the nurses wouldn't let me have anything.
They finally brought Cade over to me about 8:40. I couldn't even focus on his face, and I remember feeling frustrated that I couldn't see him. I was so numb I didn't have any emotions. As I was holding Cade, I overheard the nurses explaining to Jacob that we wouldn't be able to keep the baby in the room with us for the night because I would be kept in high risk, down the hallway. They then let him know he was not allowed to leave me alone with the baby because I was "unstable". I wanted to cry, but couldn't. I was unable to be with my baby because I was sick. I was keeping my husband away from his baby because I was sick.
The nurses finally allowed me to try and drink some water, and eat some crackers around 9:30. Those didn't stay down very long, and I had another few episodes of throwing up. Jacob's parents were able to come in and see Cade for a little while before they took him up the nursery. I was unable to focus or keep my eyes open. I don't remember Cade leaving. They moved Jacob and I down the hall to another, much smaller room. I was not allowed to use the restroom without a nurse. I wasn't allowed to eat anything. When I would ask a question like "When can I eat something" it was followed by "Well because of what happened...." Every question was followed with that answer. "When can I go to the bathroom by myself?" "When can I sleep?" "When can I see Cade again?" When will this IV come out of my hand?" "Well...because of what happened...."
I sort of knew it was not a normal delivery. But the next morning a nurse came in to help me with some labs. She was taking my CBC when she let me know she had been in the labor room the night before. She said it was so good to see me on the other side, looking so good. She had a look of compassion on her face I had not seen in a long time. She was truly concerned about me. It was then it started dawning on me that what I had been through must not have been A-typical.
I will update more later, but that was the first deal. The fact that I was unable to bond with Cade right away has bothered me a bit. I am working at moving through those emotions. They are natural, but really have little medical backing, just emotional. I am happy to say that we survived our first night home thanks mostly to my sister and mom helping us out. I am almost back to normal. I am still very weak. I act okay, but if I was to be honest I can't stand up for more than 3 minutes at a time, and I can't carry Cade yet. I can hold him while sitting, but lifting him is out of the question for a little while longer. I am working at getting my strength back.
I can't thank everyone enough for all the thoughts and prayers. There was some amazing higher power things going on in that room. I was surrounded by all the right people at the right times. I know that it is not coincidental that I was discharged from the hospital at the 48 hour mark, like I had an A-typical delivery. So thank you from the bottom of mine and my brand new baby boy's heart!
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