So there is a new movie coming out, or it is already out I am not sure, Date Night. Now I happen to really like both Tina Fey, and Steve Carell. When I can I watch NBC Today Show I do. Well those two comedians were interviewed about their new movie, which is about a married couple who have gotten into a rut, and date night becomes routine. One night they switch it up and funny things happen to them.
During the interview they were talking about their characters, and married life. And Steve Carell, in a funny comedian way, says "It is hard to go out on a date and not talk about your kids. It is the only thing you have in common anymore". HAHAH....or is it?
This is exactly the thing that really scares me. Jacob and I are lucky right now that we do not have a normal schedule, and it changes weekly. We don't have a chance to get in a rut right now. We have always had a lot in common hence being good friends before we dated. But I am not naive to know as soon as you have kids your world changes. So many people get divorced after having kids because of the strain kids put on the marriage. Life becomes too busy, kid centered, and your friends all have kids, and kids, kids, kids. I know you have to work on your marriage, and it is not just a nice laid out plan. I didn't get into this marriage lightly. I knew (or at least had a general idea) of the amount of time and energy you have to put into a marriage. So I think it is SO important for couples to have a strong relationship before bring kids in to the picture.
But it seems like the correct path to eventually add kids to the mix. But I don't want to lose myself, or my relationship with Jacob. Now I have been looking at this negatively. I know quite a few couples who do not lose the fire that they have, and I can seek out ideas, advice, and suggestions. I just feel like I am not ready to be defined by a child yet...or maybe ever. I like me. I like Jacob. I like us. I don't want to stop training for races, I don't want to give up my free time during the weekend, I don't want to give up a lot. My mom says we are too selfish right now. She says when the time is right we won't feel that way...
Do I ever want that time to ever come?
2 comments:
I love this post. Great stuff to think through, and you are right for thinking it through now. In my short life as a Mom, having Lindy has truly deepened and grown every area in our marriage. It's incredible to raise a child with your husband. It's grown our love, and it's also led to some hard stuff too. I think being aware of what you wrote here is what's key, and talking from the get go about making your marriage a priority and then DOING it. But, it takes being proactive, for sure.One thing about the Baby Dedication process at Buckhead that's so cool is there's a whole section on how the BEST gift you can give your child is a good marriage, and it forces you to take steps in that direction. But, I think what you wrote here is pretty accurate for MOST couples - it's easy to get lazy. I pray every day for our marriage as we embark on this journey as parents. We need God's grace desperately!
Wow, are you in my head right now? I've also been feeling quite divided about this very same thing. Not sure if I'm ready to make the sacrifices that parenting calls for, and I'm not sure if I'm ready to share Jeff with anyone else yet. I think you're right though. We four are lucky to have a strong background of friendship at the heart of our marriages. And I'm not sure that you can ever fully be "ready" for kids. I think that part of the challenge of parenting is learning how to balance time for yourself and your husband in addition to being a parent. Thanks for posting this! :-)
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