All That Extra Time

My biggest concern with Jacob being gone for so long was all that "alone" time.  Over here in the Larkin household our alarms go off super early in the morning.  Which means both of my kids are in bed by 7:30 on a school night.  Now this is for two purposes.  The first of course is to make sure they get plenty of sleep so they can function in the real world appropriately.  The second reason originally happened so that I had some time to myself and/or as a couple after Cade was born.  And the schedule seemed to work well for us so we have continued it.   Watching junk TV, talking about the budget and schedules, and just having some down time after 7:30pm  became a special part of the day. Even if Jacob wasn't here, it was just a time for me to recharge. 

But what if that time is not ever with another adult?  For a long time?  A kinda really long time.

So in set one of my worries. What would I do with all that extra time?

Well as life has a way of filling time, two weeks ago I changed positions at my school.  Same school.  Same hallway. New room. New students. 

And all of a sudden I have had plenty to fill my time. 

To top off the school change I had pre-arranged for Cade and Ellee to go to Michigan for a week.  They have a "fall" (yes it is technically fall, but with our 90 degree weather as of late it sure doesn't feel like it) break and my school district doesn't.  So I concocted this genius plan to arrange for the kids to spend the week in Michigan family hopping.  And, they are there right now.

But as I drove away from the drop off location last Sunday it dawned on me I haven't been away from the kids for more than 3 days, and when I was away I was with Jacob.  But this time I was alone.  For 6 days.  Completely alone. 

Tonight is the first night I feel caught up.  I feel caught up with home items.  I feel caught up with school things.  I feel caught up with my emotions.  The silence is hard.  I haven't had silence like this for 7 years. 

I feel okay.  I feel like I am on the other side of silence struggle.  On the other side of the fear of what I should do with the extra time. 

I had told my family to give me until the end of September to get it all together.  To not only adjust to the physicality of our new schedule, but also to the new feelings that accompanied this new routine.

Well I have 5 more days.  5 more days to get through the adjustment period.  5 more days to my self proposed deadline.  5 more days to figure out how I want to spend all that extra time.

I am sure I will find ways to fill it.  I don't know why I worried myself in the first place.  The silence isn't all bad.  And neither is having extra time.