A Day in the Life of....: 7 years and counting

7 years.

7 years ago Jacob and I decided to make it official and get married in a church. We had ~~technically~~ legally been married for over a year and half at that point, but my dream was to be in a big white gown, not walking through a metal detector, which did happen at the court house.

I remember the day with a smile on my face. Actually, I think my wedding day rocked. From the surprise trumpet chorus, to the beach pictures, to dancing the night away, and ending the day by driving through McDonald's.

7 years later I can think back to the vows that Jacob and I said to each other, which really I think every bride and groom just recite at that time, giving it little thought, and I am amazed at how true those vows have become. I mean someone who wrote those must have known what they were talking about. Jacob and I opted for the already written traditional vows, as he was fresh out of active military, working two jobs, and I was finishing my internship and last semester of undergrad, while working full time at Steak N Shake. Honestly, the last thing either of us wanted was to stress over coming up with our own vows. But now, I can reflect and think those words were exactly what we needed to promise to each other.

When you break the vows down we promised each other we would stay with each other through:

Sickness and Health

Really. Of course the health part is the easy one. When everyone is healthy there is little strain on the relationship. Jacob and I knew going in to this marriage that health would be an issue, as I was diagnosed 2 weeks before we eloped. But when we eloped we knew I would have possible health issues, we were not thinking about Jacob's possible health hiccups.

Jacob gave us our first health scare when he was severely chemically burned on a convoy in Iraq in 2005. We have pictures but because the burn was upper, inner thigh, and chemical burns tend to not be very pretty, I have decided not to post them. He was in a German hospital for a month recovering. Jacob asked that I not go over to Germany so I didn't. This health scare wasn't too hard on the relationship, as it was still as if he was just overseas, and I got to talk to him more than when he was out on convoys. This life event was scary, but it made us stronger.

It was my turn next as I got very ill in Jan. 2008. That led to a six month battle, ending in August after a total of 9 chemotherapys. This was very hard on our relationship. I had little energy to do anything more than just a few daily activities. As hard as Jacob tried to be a great husband, which he was most of the time, six months is a long time to try and tow the rope in a single sided relationship. Jacob left our relationship emotionally, when really what I needed was him emotionally. I guess as he tried to fathom all that was going on, he departmentalized it, and wouldn't deal with reality. His distance hurt our marriage. When we reflect on this now we can both see where we fell short. We have certainly learned a lot from this illness.

Jacob fell in line next with his leg break in 2011. It was more than a break, it was shatter, which was replaced with 2 metal rods and 2 metal plates. This story is super complex, and goes into many battles with the military. I am a firm believer that Jacob and the rest of his unit was set up for failure by the commander, and so as we can all tell I still harbor some unresolved anger about this injury. He broke his leg while training to go overseas for a year deployment. Because he was injured in North Carolina, the Army would not release him until they were sure all was good to go, which ended up being 2 and a half weeks. I packed up what I could and moved into a hotel in Fort Bragg for two weeks. This sickness was hard on Jacob's ego, which caused some friction in the relationship. Jacob's first question to his commander when he came to, was if he would still be able to be deployed. That answer came back no. And then the blows kept coming. He wouldn't be able to jump anymore. Which meant he couldn't be Airborne, which meant he had to change reserve units. There were more fallouts months after this break, that just continued to chip away at his self esteem. As the spouse it was hard to watch his inner strength fall lower and lower. I just prayed that I would stay strong for both of us. I spun everything in a positive, and continued to support him in anyway I could. We can look back at this break and see it was a huge turning point in our lives. This break caused us a lot of hardship, and we were forced, for months, to just rely on each other. The few months after the break were very difficult in many ways. And yet here we are, still standing.

And we all know what comes next; my pregnancy/labor/post labor. We came into this sickness more prepared than the others. We knew what the chemo would do, and we prepared for the bumps it would cause in our relationship. This round of sickness has lasted longer than all others (10 months and counting), but we have our precious little one who has helped us realize life is not just about us and our relationship anymore. We will continue through this sickness journey and hope there is an end in sight.

In Good Times and Bad

Of course this one is a no brainer. When in the good times the marriage is rockin'. Jacob and I have had some amazing experiences in the last 7 years. We have been extremely blessed. We have been to Disney at least 4 times since we were married (and it might be more...I lost count). We have been camping at various locations, and have been to many different amusement parks. We have traveled home to Michigan and to Florida multiple times. We have done a lot of fun things here in Atlanta. We have trained together for many races, both running and triathlons.

Then there are bad times. We have had them. There have been nights of screaming, tears, and silence. We have disagreed to the point of no return. There have been moments when one of us left the marriage physically, mentally, and emotionally. We have fought our way back. It always seemed whenever one person was not as strong, or not happy, the other one was in a place that they could put the energy in to fight. We have been through crappy jobs. We each have earned a degree while trying to keep a marriage together. We each have become so obsessed with something other than our marriage, our marriage went to the wayside. And yet, here we are.

In Richness and Poorness

    Jacob and I have been through times that we didn't have to worry about every purchase, and we have been through times where really hard gut retching decisions have to be made. Money was, for a long time, a battle in our relationship. I am a saver, and Jacob is a spender. Our church did a sermon on this topic, and we learned a lot about each other during this. We have both come around to see the positives in each others perspectives. But that doesn't mean we still don't argue about what is in our bank accounts. I think money can really tear some marriages apart. If I have learned anything in the last 7 years it is each person has to feel a sense of control when it comes to money. Also keeping the communication open all the time about money is a must, especially when things are tight. Money is a wonderful thing, but it can be detrimental to any relationship.

In Joy as well as in Sorrow

   We have been through great times, but also sad times. We have been through grandparents passing away. We have been through family members getting sick. We have been through home sickness. We have been through friends getting married, having babies, and friends moving away. We have lost pets along the way. We have welcomed our son into the world. But this is one area we are 100% in it to win it. Through all of the joy and the sorrow we will drop anything for the other one. We could be in the worst place realionship-wise, and yet if something bad happens to the other we are there. We always have been. I see this as something that will always be in place.

For As Long As We Both Shall Live

   Jacob and I have a joke about who is going to go first. Neither one of us lives life like we are going to live forever, but we also live life. We take risks, have fun, and live life to the fullest. Jacob joined the military and then took on jobs such as paratrooper, convoy driver and gunner, and sharp shooter, all of which are not on the "safe" list. And then he became a police officer which isn't exactly a sedimentary career. Our big joke is I have the chronic blood cancer, and he will be the one to go before me.

But in all seriousness, we both took this part of the vow very seriously. When we married that was it. It is for a lifetime. Through everything that can, and will be, thrown at us, we are to do it together. There will be moments in our marriage that one or both of us will have to fight with everything inside to keep it together. But we both signed up for that. And fight for our marriage we will. No where in the vows did it say it would be easy. For every easy life event there is a difficult one around the corner. I mean it says it in the vows. We said we would venture it together in front of our family, friends, and the Lord. Out loud. With a ring as a promise. So we will do everything we can to keep that promise.

   Jacob and I have known each other since we were 11, and started dating at 16. That means we already have 14 years of memories that we have had with each other. Just for giggles I put some pictures of some of our moments back in time. HAHA!