If I could live beyond my fears.

I'd change the world if I could change my mind
If I could live beyond my fears
Exchanging unity for all my insecurity
--Union, Black Eyed Peas

So that song came on while I was running today. I am a HUGE Black Eyed Peas fan. I have four albums on my iPod, and my favorite thing to do is put them on shuffle, and run. I love running to them. Then this song, which is on their album Elephunk which came out in 2003, came on. I have heard it a million times. But these specific words stuck with me today.

I joke around all the time that I will rule the world someday. It is common for me to say "well that will change when I rule the world", mostly in a joking voice, with smile attached to my face. But sometimes I think maybe I do have what it takes, well not to rule the world per say, but definitely make some changes, somehow.

The big thing that I do is I do NOT allow my fears to dictate my life. As I was running I started thinking about this aspect of my life. It is true.

I have an utter fear of drowning - yet I am in the pool at least once a week, and I am a triathlete. I do not allow the fact that I completely freeze, and can't control my breathing stop me from enjoying (well not always enjoying) the water. My swim coach Mike, will still look down at me from the pool deck and say "Amanda...relax..." I tense up, I am not a good swimmer, I am not always sure how I am a triathlete, but I am. This fear will not rule my life, or stop me from becoming the athlete that I visualize.

I have a fear of failure - and yet I continue furthering my degree. This fear comes with grades. Letting myself down mostly, but I can try to rationalize this to not getting an A makes me a bad teacher, a bad person, a bad daughter, a bad wife, a bad friend, and on and on. Now I could have just stopped with my undergrad and left it. I graduated with honors, receiving only two B's. But I signed up for my Masters, and completed each class one by one, each time overthrowing my fear of not getting an A, and coming to terms with what life would be like if I didn't get an A.

I have a fear of being alone - and yet I married into the military, which, if anything, has the consistency of leaving the spouse high and dry. I drag myself through mundane life events all alone. I attend family gatherings, and get together with our couple friends, all alone. I fear going to parties alone, and hate the idea of just shopping for a dress with no one with me. And yet I am alone at least 3 days a month, and we all know what will be my life soon enough.

So to me, I don't really let those fears (I know, many of you are like, those aren't fears, those are just life preferences, but to me they are fears) rule what I do with life. I think because I don't let fears stop me from doing things, I might be able to make some kind of a change. Now I am not putting my bid into the presidential race...yet....just kidding, I am not old enough.... But I hope my point is not lost, as I feel it might be.

I am living out the Black Eyed Peas song. It might be possible for me change the world because I do live beyond my fears. I hope others can too. The song is a great one. I felt pretty inspired to do something. Read it below if you feel like it:

"Union"

[Chorus]
(One for all, one for all)
(It's all it's all for one)
Let's start a union, calling every human
It's one for all and all for one
Let's live in unison, calling every citizen
It's one for all and all for one

We don't want war- can't take no more
It's drastic time for sure
We need an antidote and a cure
Cuz do you really think Mohamed got a problem with Jehovah
We don't want war – imagine if any prophet was alive
In current days amongst you and I
You think they'd view life like you and I do
Or would they sit and contemplate on why
Do we live this way, act and behave this way
We still live in primitive today
Cuz the peace in the destination of war can't be the way
There's no way, so people just be a woman, be a man
Realize that you can't change the world by changing yourself
And understand that we're all just the same
So when I count to three let's change

[Chorus]

Got no time for grand philosophy
I barely keep my head above the tide
I got this mortgage, got three kids at school
What you're saying is the truth, but really troubles me inside
I'd change the world if I could change my mind
If I could live beyond my fears
Exchanging unity for all my insecurity
Exchanging laughter for my tears

[Chorus]

I don't know, y'all, we in a real deposition
In the midst of all this negative condition
Divided by beliefs, differences and religion
Why do we keep missing the point in our mission?
Why are we killing each other, what's the reason?
God made us all equal in his vision
I wish that I could make music as a religion
Then we could harmoniz together in this mission
Listen, I know it's really hard to make changes
But two of us could help rearrange, discuss
Utilize the power in our voices
Together we will unite and make the right choice
And fight for education, save the next generation
Come together as one
I don't understand why it's never been done
So let's change on the count of one

It takes one, just one
And then one follows the other one
And then another follows the other one
Next thing you know you got a billion
People doing some wonderful things
People doing some powerful things
Let's change and do some powerful things
Unity could be a wonderful thing

[Chorus]