Intersections

Last week Saturday I found myself at a crossroads. 

No, literally.  I was at an intersection waiting to turn left.   I saw them running towards the traffic light I was stopped at.  At first there were three, then I saw them waiting.  I knew what they were waiting for.  They waited for more.  And soon enough more of them came along. They were all laughing.  Giving high fives.  They all seemed so happy.

I was watching members of my former running group.  Now, they were runners from the "faster" pace group and I recognized them but weren't part of my pacing group, but they were all doing what I used to wait all week to do.  They were running on Saturday morning, in a group, with friends. 

I found myself staring at them.  My soul feeling a longing to be out there with them.  My heart ached a little as I felt like I was watching everything in slow motion.

In that moment an overwhelming sense of loss hit me.  Oh, how I missed my group runs.  

I was snapped back into reality by a sound from the back seat.  Slowly it dawned on me it was my name "mommmmeeeee" I shook my head and made my left turn leaving the runners at the intersection. 

That part of me seems so far gone.  Not because of a falling out, or anything that anyone in my pace group did, just because of circumstance.  Jacob works Saturdays and Sundays.  Although many have said myself and the jogging stroller are welcome on Saturday mornings, I just never felt right.  Most people run Saturday morning to get away from regular life, and kids are part of regular life.  Not to mention having a stroller and running without it taking anyone out would be a small miracle.  I made the decision to give up running with people when I became a mom. 

That doesn't mean there aren't small moments in time when I think about what was.  Life without kids.  Maybe even miss the things I used to be able to do. The freedom I had.

But just as I had chosen to turn away from the runners and continue on the path I had set out for myself Saturday morning, which was filled with errands to run like grocery shopping and picking up a birthday present for a kid's party we would be attending, I will continue down the mommy path.  I get to experience my daughters laugh for the first time, run laps with my toddler, sing the ABC's (not in the right order), and watch a baby drift off to sleep in my arms. 

I sure do miss my group runs, but I am not sure I would give up my Saturday mornings with the kids.  For now I will continue to run, just not the way I used to.