Every Thursday on Facebook my news feed is filled with older photos that had to be scanned to make it on Facebook. It is known as Throwback Thursday, #tbt. I have to say I am mostly indifferent about this. I have yet to put up my own #tbt but have been tagged in a few pics of times gone by. However, it is quite fascinating as I scroll through these photos it seems that after you hit a certain age most of the pictures you post are inevitably from high school.
So every Thursday I am left thinking the same thought. What is the time in my life I would consider "the-time-of-my-life"? I liked high school. I had a good group of friends. I did well in school. I was busy with after school activities. But I never felt like that was it. I couldn't wait for college. Everything I did in high school was to get to my goal. College. Maybe you could read into that as the "I-will-move-out-and-NEVER-come-back" goal. I have fond memories for high school and growing up. But I couldn't wait to get out of there.
College was everything I thought it would be. I went there without knowing anyone. I sobbed when my mom drove away leaving me on the 5th floor of furthest dorm away from campus. I wanted to leave school after 2 months. I met who are now my best friends. I lived the apartment life. I stayed up way too late. Partied. Worked 3rd shift. I had room mates. I really enjoyed college.
But then came my 20's. The normal time in life where most people would say they lived crazy. They have the most regrets of stupid decisions that happened in their 20's. You live day to day, and you have adult cares, without really having to be in the adult world.
Not me. Looking back, my 20's sucked. I know I screwed up the whole you-only-live-once 20's mantra when Jacob and I eloped at the ripe ol' age of 21. And at that point I had already been diagnosed with a blood cancer. Which killed any dream of late night drinking binges. My 20's started out with more stress than I ever imagined. Then my life was thrown for loop after loop. Iraq deployment, Jacob being MIA/flare injury, graduating with my undergrad, a ceremony of our elopement, while on our honeymoon our cruise ship tilted, PTSD, leaving everything but each other to move to Georgia, 8 rounds of chemo, marriage struggles, Jacob goes through his bachelor's degree, I receive my masters, a second deployment, a shattered leg, the backside of our house succumbing to water damage, getting through an unplanned and high risk pregnancy, and then ended my 20s with another 6 rounds of chemo.
There were good times. Just, every time things got good, we were thrown for another loop. My 20's left me feeling like I hadn't made much of myself.
Then it came time to turn 30. I let it come and go very quietly. It was a hard birthday for me. Although my 20s didn't treat me very well, I mourned the idea of moving into my 30s.
But you know what? I am here. And I haven't been happier. I am no where close to where I thought I would be. But I am happy. Right here. Life is not perfect. We struggle. I struggle as a wife and as a mom, but I am just happy. So I won't be scanning in too many pictures of the old times, but rather living in what I have right now. Who knows what the next few years will hold, but my 30's haven't been too bad.
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