How does one find herself in her second high risk pregnancy anyway?

"You weren't considering to have another child were you?"

These words came out of my doctor, at my 4 week postpartum checkup.  I had just been told I would be doing chemotherapy in two weeks.  I had a one month old son at home.  I was lucky to be getting 5 hours of straight sleep.  I was not even close to being healed from labor.  I was adjusting to being a mom.  I never thought I would have a first child.  Was he serious?  What kind of question is that?  Do they ask all new moms this question?

This sort of question doesn't come out of what I would consider any doctor who wants to keep any patients.  But this was my reality.  Forced with questions I was not ready equipped to answer.  There had been a lot of damage done during my labor.  Damage that couldn't repair itself due to my low platelets.  If I wanted to be "normal" drastic measures would have to be taken.  I remember tearing up, mostly out of hormonal overload, but none the less I was not in any place to answer such a question.

A few weeks later, after many calls and emails back and forth with doctors, Jacob and I had a plan.  The first step was to get through chemo, and get back in remission.  I was unable to go under surgery until I was in remission.  First step: get to remission.  Easier said than done.

But 14 months later, November 2013, I had leveled my platelets off enough to be claimed in remission.  By this point I was back from my hormonal rage, from pregnancy and steroids, and Jacob and I had fallen into a family routine.  It was our turn to ask a question.

"Could we have another baby?"

A few doctor visits, some emails, and a few phone calls landed us with a new goal.  If I was willing to "prep" my body, agree to regular visits to each doctor, and follow the doctors orders (do they know me or what?!) my doctors would be willing to let us have one year to conceive.  New goal: Be pregnant by December 2014.

January 2014 had me prepped, prodded, pricked, poked, in and out of doctor visits, vitamins, steroids, and a cardio plan that even seemed a bit overwhelming to me.  I followed all orders.  I showed up to all my appointments.  In March my platelet count was 245,000, which is the highest I have on record.  The doctors said now was the time.

It was time to talk with the family.  We wanted to have their support.  The first pregnancy wasn't easy on my family.  I can only imagine what it would be like to watch someone get so sick, while trying to understand the outcome would be worth it.  My sister was a shoe-in, my mom was just concerned if I would really listen to the doctors, and then my dad, making sure over and over again that the doctors were okay with this finally came around.

Then Jacob and I had to decide.  Was this really it?  Was this what we wanted?   Was it worth the risk?  We decided to trust the Lord knew what he was doing, and we proceeded to tell the doctors we would try at the end of April.

I would like to write the phrase long story short.... but the truth is there is no long story.  I knew I was pregnant in June.  I felt sick way before the test could tell us.  We have never had a more clear sign this was meant to happen.

This pregnancy has been different in so many ways, but that is for another blog.  I know what I am getting myself into this time.  I am under no illusion that I will not have to complete chemo after Baby Dos is born.  I know it will happen.  We (myself, Jacob, and the doctors) are doing everything we can to be proactive.  I am seeing a doctor every two weeks, that started the day I showed up with a positive test.  My platelets are declining, but again, we knew that would happen.  At least I started from such a high number. 

So here we are.  Officially announcing there will be one more.  We feel so blessed to have been given the chance to add one more gift to our family.