A Sequence of Events

At the end of a year I think it is natural to think back to the past year.  At this time of the year every channel is playing a 2012 recap.  The top ten _______ of 2012.  Whenever Jacob and I write our holiday Christmas Letter we are always forced to reflect on the past year of memories. 

But for some reason this year has forced me to think through the many events that have happened in the past years to get us to December of 2012. 

When I reflect on this year, of course the journey with Cade comes to mind.  I am reminded everyday of the miracle that we have.  Then I think about how we got here. 

Oct. 2004 - Two weeks before I turned 21 I sat in a doctor's office with most of my family present.  The doctor patiently answered our many questions about ITP.  There was no cure.  It is not inherited.  I will deal with it for the rest of my life.  I would be given steroids, to maintain my blood levels.  No, I would not be able to carry children.  Yes, I can live a normal life.

Nov. 2004 - Jacob and I elope.  He is aware that I will not be able to give him children.  We were both open to adoption, if we decided to have children.

Jan. 2008 - I get super sick after a visit to MI.  I am referred to Dr. Saleh at Georgia Cancer Specialists. 

Mar. 2008 - I secretly fill out the preliminary paperwork for an adoption agency.

Jun. 2008 - First chemo treatments.  The drug is not the strongest, but there may be reproductive side effects.  We go ahead with the treatments.

Oct. 2008 - I receive the "NO" document from the adoption agency.  I called the agency on my lunch break to get a more definite answer, instead of "we regret to inform you, you have not passed the preliminary checkpoints for our adoption process".  I was told because I have a chronic blood disorder, I am at a higher risk of dying, therefore they can not approve a baby to be adopted into our household.  Still to this day typing those words create tears in my eyes.  I told no one for a long time.  I saw this letter as a failure.  Jacob would not/could not be a father because of me.  The amount of rejection I still feel from this letter burns inside of me.  I have a lot of anger, still.  After researching, and calling a lot of other agencies, I was told the same information over and over again.  Jacob and I decide we were not meant to parents, and we would be okay. 

Jan. 2012 - Pregnancy test #4 shows yet another positive stripe.  We would be parents.

Jan. 2012 - Jacob and I are told there is an 80% chance of miscarriage.  My body won't be able to give the embryo the nutrients it needs before the umbilical cord has closed.  We shouldn't tell anyone, as it is just harder to explain a miscarriage over and over again.  We tell no one. 

Late Feb. 2012 - We make it to 12 weeks, and my miscarriage numbers go down to 50%.  We are told we can start telling family. 

Mar. 2012 - We make it official, as each week passes the doctors say the chances are better and better we are going to be parents. 

We all know the rest.  Cade is here, and we are blessed in this holiday season.  I have been seeing my doctors almost weekly.  My platelets are up to 170k and the blood doctor is super happy!  Low for a normal person, but really high for someone who didn't even have 10,000 after giving birth. 

 Both of my doctors are in awe of how quickly my body has recovered.  They both were visualizing the worst, while I was visualizing living a normal life.  I guess my "live in the fantasy world" playbook was the one to follow. 

Then the best news of all.  After seeing my OBGYN yesterday, he said he might be willing to talk about me having a second child.  We would need to prep my body, and we are talking a few years from now, but he said he would be willing to keep the conversation open. 

No one would have guessed in 2004 that we were starting a chain of events that would lead us to this place.   Each event was not the easiest to live through, but wow, I am pretty happy to be where I am today.