Ignoring the Facts, Won't Make Them Untrue

I really thought I would want to write more than I do, but I feel like people need to know, and this is the best way to get the word out.

About a month ago I started noticing a few random symptoms. I got a really bad bruise on the side of my leg, and then a couple other bruises showed up. Then I seemed to want to sleep a bit more than usual. Then my gums started bleeding.

I made note of the symptoms, but then looked the other way. I just thought...normal people bruise, normal people take naps. I was functioning at school as an intern, and I was working out. I was feeling overall pretty good.

Jacob kept telling me just to go to the doctor and rule out ITP, and I kept saying I would. Part of the delay was that I did keep forgetting to call during work hours, and the other part was I knew if I went to the doctors there would be three options.

1. I have normal platelets and I am normal

2. I have low platelets and immediate action must take place

3. I would have low platelets and there would be no reason, and more tests would be in order.

#3 in my mind is the ultimate blow. When there is no answer, there is no end in sight, and that just leaves my future up the air. I hate that...

I went to the doctor this morning. The range for platelets is 140 - 480 and I came in right at 140. So Dr. Saleh let me have it...why didn't I come in sooner, how long have my symptoms been going on, and of course, what was I thinking???? I sat on the doctor table holding back tears as he told me I would have to get in a gown for a full exam, and he would be completing other tests.

Two and a half hours later, Dr. Saleh thinks there might be good news. My blood has big cells and small cells. The big cells are the bad ones (they are the ones that "eat" my platelets). He thinks that two weeks ago I was at an all time low. Now he thinks my body is creating platelets on its own, which is the ultimate good thing. We walked through the past month and we can't find the trigger that set my platelets so low. So, I am to report in to get my blood count completed next week Tuesday. Dr. Saleh is sure my count will be higher, and all will be okay. I won't need to go back until I see symptoms again.

I can't really write anymore about my emotions. I am emotionally drained. I have my exit interview tomorrow, and it will be my last day interning. I need to get through that and then I can work on trying to comprehend what is going on.