Sometimes Life just hits you.....

The majority of this post will surprise many of you. I started this blog not really to help me with what was going on with life, but to keep people posted. Well the reasons for staying tuned have ended, and I think it is time to start writing for me. I started a diary on the first day of sixth grade and continued one all the way through my Freshman year of college. And can you believe it I have every one in the basement....my mom had saved every single one. ;) Well now we all write online and seriously I can type way faster than I can write anymore. So here goes my first blog of really just stating ideas about life.

FIRST lets get a few facts out of the way...

* All the puppies but Rose have been adopted. Ginny (mom) has been spayed so she is ready to go. Jacob and I hope that at the adoption open house tomorrow they find fabulous homes. It has been a real relief to just have one puppy to take care of. So much more manageable.

* It is true that my school is moving school buildings over Holiday Break. I am in the mist of packing my entire classroom, and then will be unpacking it at the beginning of the year. Just to add a bit more stress around the holidays.

* We will be on a cruise over Christmas so Jacob and I have decided that we will not be decorating for Christmas. SHOCKER I know. But the way we see it is that it is one less thing to be placed on the to do list, and one less thing to stress out about. We are working on getting our house back in order after having 7 puppies in the house, so we will focus on that right now.

NOW....onto my thoughts about life in general. KIDS.....

Not the kids in the classroom, but what the word family means to Jacob and I. We recently just turned 26, and have been married for 3 years ( 5 if you count eloping), and the question on every ones lips is " so when will you be having kids?" I understand people just poking fun, and joking, but there is a bit of truth from that question every time it is asked. First off it is weird to see people get married just because they love each other and not because they already have kids together, or have kids soon on the way. And it is just assumed that a teacher of kids should want kids of her own. SO WHEN??

Truth be told this has been more and more on our minds. MANY of our friends from high school are pregnant with their first, second, or for some third. People who were married the same year as us are working on their own families. So we have to think about what that means for us. Do we wait until we are ready? What if we are never ready? When is too young? When is too old? How many? How many years apart? Then come the serious question: Will I be able to have kids?

The word family comes with so many addition issues for me personally. When I was 20 years old, I was told I would have a high risk pregnancy, and possibly be bed ridden for months because of my low blood and the fact I am anemic. Well that was a whole year before I was diagnosed with ITP where I was told I could would not be able to carry a child to full term. WOW! Hit in the face when you are 21 years old. However, I was lucky because Jacob was open to adoption, or no kids, so we still eloped months after I received the news. So for my early 20's I knew I couldn't carry children. No ifs, ands or buts.

Then came chemo and remission. I turn 26 and the doctor says as long as I am in remission, and am in constant communication with him, I could try to have my own children. WHAT?! Now there are options. Great....this just makes life a bit harder.... The doctor says I could carry a child, and the chances of passing on ITP are very, very slim. I would be bed ridden but probably not until 8 months. I would be more likely to have a C-section, because I would lose less blood. The stress on my body could bring on ITP again, and I might have to do chemo after I gave birth.

So at what cost do we want a baby? Now that I have been given the option of having my own child...it kind of sounds nice. It would look like both of us. But then come all the consequences we have to consider. Am I willing to take a chance on giving an innocent child a blood disorder? Can I spend a month or two in bed? Do I want to be cut up, and know that natural child birth is not an option for me? And then the big one....can I deal with giving birth, and then doing some rounds of chemo and hoping I am placed back in remission? WOW! So much for one brain to consider and think about. Yes, the miracle of medicine has done amazing things, I have the option of having my own child, but there are so many other ifs that it makes my head spin.

So there you have it. This is what is going on in my head, almost daily. At this age there are so many people have babies, that it is a common conversation. And it is bound for the question to arise..." When are you going to have children?"

As I roll my eyes I think "Well.....where do I begin?????"