A Plan??

Well had my weekly visit with Ellen yesterday. My counts are up, but that is mostly because I am back on this NASTY Prednisone. I will have one more appointment for just a blood draw to make sure I haven't plummeted, on the 20th. They wanted to start the IV treatments (I do not like the word chemo) on the 22nd, but I begged not to, because my kids graduation is the 23rd, and I want so badly to be there to give them their diplomas. So Ellen said that would be fine, and I will be going in most likely the 29th. Ellen is estimating that I will have a month of weekly treatments, one a week for four weeks. Not exactly how I wanted to spend my Summer break, but non the less....

I had a complete breakdown this week. I am so sick and tired of being sick and tired. My body no longer looks or feels like my body. My face is so blown up, and I haven't been to the gym but twice in the last 4 months. That is not me. I love being active, and when I don't have the energy to do anything, than it is terrible. I was doing so well being positive, and at work and tutoring and with friends, I just joke about it, and have a great positive attitude, but this week it all crashed. I am so sick of having to pretend all day long. I know I can't tell the kids how I really feel, but putting on a show and acting as if I have the same amount of energy that I used to, finally just put me over the edge. Now when I say I had a breakdown I only cried to my friend Shane, and Jacob. And by crying I mean I was just tired and whinny. But to me, for me Amanda, that is a breakdown for sure.

I think now that I am doing okay. This happened before my doctors appointment so I feel better now. I just want off the Prednisone, and we will get there in hopefully 3 weeks. This will for sure be a year to remember, my first official class, a fractured nose, 24 kids in a small classroom, and then my first official day of summer break and I will be chemo! AAHH the memories!