I had to literally take a scan of the picture above, as digital files did not exist, and yes for those wondering, the picture is cut in a heart shape, found in my Senior year scrapbook photo album.
This picture was taken September 22, 2001. It was the night of my Junior Miss Pageant, hence my make up and hair being done. September 11, 2001 had happened only 11 days prior, and the two kids in this picture had watched the horror unfold while in their homeroom. I could go into exact details from that day, but by the evening Jacob and I found ourselves in a back booth of our local McDonalds where Jacob told me he wanted to enlist in the Army while we ate french fries, and the looming idea that the future had never seemed so uncertain before. I felt my breath shorten. I remember staring at him trying to comprehend what he was saying. We hadn't even turned 18 years old yet, and we were discussing way bigger decisions than we could even imagine. I told him I would support him.
I had no idea what that statement really meant.
Jacob enlisted in the Delayed Entry Program soon after this photo, promising he would graduate high school first. We hadn't even graduated high school and we thought we were capable of making adult decisions.
When the text, yes a text, Jacob can rarely call when he is away with the Army, came through that Jacob was expecting his name to be on the deployment list for 2023 I was taken back to that McDonalds booth in an instant. It felt the same. Yet different. My breath became slow and shallow, I feel like I was staring out into the distance without any focus, and my mind went blank. Yes, blank. Almost like I couldn't make sense of what I was hearing/seeing and breath at the same time.
It feels the same as the first time, but different now.
I had no way of knowing what Jacob's decision would mean way back in 2001. In all honesty, neither of us could know. His original "plan" was a 3 year enlistment. We are now staring down his 3rd tour, and honestly he was eligible for 5 (we were able to get out of 2 of them, but those are stories for another day). His 3 year plan wasn't just thrown out the window, but it was more slowly changed as we individually grew, and in our case have grown together.
A quick reminder of what can and can not be shared. I will not be sharing any specifics. No dates, no location, no duration, no unit information. If I see a comment that shares any of the above it will be deleted, not because we don't appreciate the comment, but there are laws. Federal Laws. I can share our journey, our feelings, and vague updates. But know as I type this, we are facing a lot of time away sooner than later.
We have had a little bit of time to process and think about this deployment and we keep bringing up how this all feels the same, but different. The kids are older, more independent. I am in a different type of career, where I am not directly in front of students at this time. Technology is at a whole different place, I mean Jacob left for Basic Training without a cell phone. The kids didn't believe us when we told them that tidbit. But deployments mean time away, missed milestones. This momma has to fill the shoes for a two adult household. And there is the disconnection that always happens no matter what you do.
So, we felt it was time to share the news. I know it is a bit to process. My mind is finally at a place to start this blog back up, and take anyone who wants to join with us on our journey for a while.
I mean even starting this blog back up feels the same, but I guess it is different.
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