The In-Between

The month of May can do it in for many.  I am feeling the pressures.  The end of school brings on a multitude of redundant paperwork required by the Federal Government, as my ESOL (English for Speakers of Other Languages) teacher position is regulated by the Department of Education, then added to the fun of another school year ending I am moving classrooms (again) so I am trying to embrace the idea that my last few days of classes will be happening while I teach out of boxes. 

 Oh, and did I mention I have a son finishing Kindergarten.  Yup. Kindergarten done. 

Then there are the three of us in the house that are preparing to embark in what is our favorite time of the year, Summer Break.  Both Cade and Ellee, separately, announced summer was their favorite, which made this sun worshiping, flip flop loving, only want to wear tank tops and shorts mom's heart sing! 
But then there is the

deployment.

For a while it has been looming over us, almost like the large elephant in the room, but not in a way that we don't talk about it.  In a way that we all see it, but it won't move so we have to walk all around it while still trying to hold down regular life. 

I call this time "the inbetween"

We are so desperately trying to do exactly what everyone tells us we should do, which is "enjoy the family time that we have now".  And we want to. 

But we also have to be preparing for a very long extended amount of time where we won't be a complete family.  And what does that look like.  And what needs to be done to make sure I can do this alone. 

We started a Have-To-Do-Before-Jacob-Leaves list.  And for the most part we will knock off one or two things a week, but then, through more future pondering we find ourselves adding five more every week.  This Google Keep list is currently running with 16 items.

Jacob just returned from training #2 out of 3 before deployment and when he returned it hit us hard.  We have a lot smaller of an amount of time left.  Every time he goes, he goes for longer times, and when he returns our time is less than it was before.  And although I think we both understand the physics of what is taking place, it is harder and harder to grasp. We are running out of time left. 

Left to get the 2019 Bucket List complete. 

Left to prepare the kids.

Left to get the to-do accomplished.

Left to enjoy all of us together.

On one hand we are living so big right now we have scheduled ourselves a little thin.  Then on the other hand we are so stressed out about the remaining time we just stare blankly at the wall, unable to even start the first thing on the list.  We are living in "the inbetween".

When I mentioned to my mom how we were starting to stress about getting it all done she said "Well time marches on".  And on it will. 

Just don't mind me.  The one trying so desperately to hang on to every last moment, but trying so hard to be prepared for the future.  The one living in the "inbetween".