My own Selfishness

We have been on a roller coaster of schedule changes since Jacob started in the police department two years ago.  We have been through a regular schedule, strange off days, and we have worked through all three shifts.

Most recently Jacob has been working thirds, or night shift.  He would go to work at 9pm and come home around 9am.  He would not have to go into work on Mon, Tues, and Wed nights.  To help us reduce our childcare cost he was flipping back to the day shift hours on Tuesday and Wednesday.  I know this must have been difficult.  If he had to appear at court, he had to stay up later and not get home until around 11, which meant he had to sleep later into the evening.  And on Saturday and Sunday, when he was sleeping all day, Cade and I were in the house.

I am still unsure how any amount of sleeping of done.  He was a real trooper though.  He always acted to be decently rested.  He did every thing he could to be there for family events, even if that meant waking up in the middle of his sleep, to go back to sleep, then to sleep until he went into work.  He did laundry, and grocery shopping on Wednesday nights when he had to stay up all night. As crazy as it sounds we were able to get a pretty regular schedule going.

We didn't see much of each other together.  We had dinner together every night but some Tuesdays ( I have a running group I would run with), and Thursday nights, as I had class.  There were the occasional nights Jacob got home later, which meant he slept later so we wouldn't see each other then.  But honestly, we had something that was working.  We have Bible Study on Wednesdays.  We did miss out on some things like we couldn't go to church together.  We only slept in the same bed, at the same time, two times a week.  I had to move my shower items to our guest bathroom, because when I needed to be showering, Jacob would be sleeping.

But we somehow made it work.

Jacob got moved to day shift.  Now most of you reading this are having the same reaction most people have when we tell them.  Excitement.  Elation. Maybe you sighed a sigh of relief.    I wanted to be happy for Jacob when he told me.  I really did.  Day shift is what he had wanted.  He was moving up the shift ladder.  I had a big smile for him when I got home after hearing the news. But deep, down inside,

where my own selfishness runs rampant

I was a little weary.  We were in a groove.  We had a schedule.  We were being productive parents, and individuals.  Now we would have to flip flop around until we found a new balance with a new schedule.  Not to mention, would day shift keep Jacob occupied enough?  We have been through times when Jacob did not feel fulfilled in life.  It is not a time in life I want to go back through.  I know most people think third shift is the most dangerous, and it would be better to be out during the day, but Jacob needs the danger, the adrenalin, the idea he is making a difference.  Would he get that working during the day?  And, I was doing the math.  We were not going to be seeing as much of each other.  Then it dawned on me.  I would be in charge of making dinner.  I loath cooking.  With the old schedule Jacob was always home, or up by 5 when it was dinner time.  Jacob's work days would be Fri-Mon.  So even on long weekends, or holiday weekends we wouldn't see each other.  The more I thought about it, the more first shift didn't sound so fantastic.  

I had to have a pep talk with myself, and remind myself this whole marriage deal wasn't just about me.  There will always be compromise.  There will always be a point where I will have to suck it up.

So I swallowed what selfish thoughts/ideas/reservations I had in my head and we ventured out on getting through the first week of day shift with as few hiccups as possible.  We survived.

Cade will now only go to daycare two days a week.

I am in charge of making dinner Mondays, Fridays, Saturdays, and Sundays.  Jacob gets Wednesdays.  We eat separately on Tuesday and Thursday because of prior commitments.  

Jacob does get home around 6, so if I can hold Cade off long enough, we are able to eat as a family.

We meet up at church on Sunday night for the 6pm service, so we get to go as a family. 

Jacob says this shift keeps him busy, just with very different ticketing/arrests taking place.  He also mentioned that there are just a lot more people to deal with in general during the waking hours.

We do not have a single day off together.

We sleep in the same bed every night together.

We now share a bathroom/shower again.  

I know this shift has to be easier on Jacob.  Flipping back and forth from nights, to days is extremely tough.  I know that fact alone should be enough for me to want day shift to work. 

I should want day shift to work.  I am not sure I am to that point yet, but because I am sure this shift is easier on Jacob, I will make this shift work.  Because a marriage isn't about what you want.  It is about what you can do to make the other person happy.  And if both parties are doing that, then it works.  Despite each one of own selfish natures.