300 Days

We have almost reached the 300th day of deployment.  We weren't suppose to see 300 days.  But here we are.  The end has to be close.

At the start of June I knew I was mentally wearing very thin.

And at that point I decided to extend my quarantine "team" to include my sister and her family.  We had planned a trip to Michigan back in the fall when we were invited to a close friend's wedding, but as with most things as of late the wedding was canceled for the June date. I waived back and forth if I should still make the trip.  I considered all options.

You see, Jacob was originally suppose to fly in while we were in MI and surprise everyone.  Going there would mean I really would feel the weight of the fact Jacob wasn't home when we all thought he would be.  I wasn't so sure I wanted to face that reality.

But I had become so lonely.  Sure I had Cade and Ellee, but besides the driveway and front porch chats I hadn't really been around many other adult people.  I mean the masked people at the store aren't really having friendly conversations right now.  I was trying to keep myself healthy.  Keep the kids healthy.  And being a control freak, I found it was just easier to control my own household.  So that is what I had done that for 3 months.

I looked into flying up to Michigan, but ultimately decided I would drive the whole way there and back in one day.  I extended the trip for at least 2 weeks, I thought why not?!  And then we did it.

The trip was exactly what I needed!  I didn't realize how lonely I really had become.  Having my sister available to chat at breakfast, throughout the day, and after the kids went to bed was something I really had missed.  Cade and Ellee did wonderful on the road trip.  I love how much they love traveling, no matter the mode of transportation.  The interactions with their cousins were exactly what they needed too.  This whole shelter in place thing has really done a number on so many of us.  Michigan weather treated us perfectly so we were able to catch up with others in outside areas.  We were outside, almost all day, every day of our vacation.  It was amazing.

And now we are back.  Lola dog survives yet another day.  Simon (our sole cat now) apparently loved having the whole house to himself.  And Lucie (our youngest pet 😲) just turned 12 years old.

A lot has changed in 300 days.  If the end of this deployment is near, then I am set to deal with a new set of emotions.  Reintegrating Jacob into our lives is a little scary.  It seems foreign.  We moved on through life, and he remembers what it was like back in August.  The communication this time has been better than we have had for previous deployments.  And yet things here at home are different now, and a quick text to try and explain it all doesn't seem like it would be the same.

Coming back home was difficult because I had fully intended to have Jacob with me.  But we will see 300 days.  300 days of being apart.  300 days of the kids not being able to touch their daddy. 300 days of trying to be stronger than I feel.

 But I am really glad we made the trip.